Holding Yourself Steady (When Leadership Feels Personal)
Holding Yourself Steady (When Leadership Feels Personal)
You know those times when something just gets under your skin?
Someone says something. Does something. And before you've had a chance to think, you can feel it rising. That wee tad of annoyance. That tightening.
It happened to me recently. Someone backed into my parked car at the supermarket, admitted it on the spot, then a few days later decided they weren't actually sure they'd done it. I felt myself starting to lose my rag. And honestly? Fair enough. But it got me thinking about what happens in those moments for us as leaders.
Because it happens at work too. Someone questions a decision. A conversation goes sideways. Someone says something that just doesn't sit right. And suddenly we're not leading from a clear head anymore. We're leading from that feeling.
Maya Angelou said it's rarely the words people remember. It's the feeling they were left with. And that's the bit that stops most of us in our tracks, because in those crunchy moments, the feeling we're carrying is written all over how we show up.
So what do we do with it?
First, notice it. Not after the conversation. During it. That's the hard part. Because when we're rattled, we're usually too busy being rattled to clock that it's happening. The work is building enough awareness to catch yourself mid moment and think, "okay, something's happening for me here."
Then, change your state. That looks different for everyone. A breath. A pause. Stepping out for five minutes and a cuppa. Whatever gets you back to a place where you can communicate the way you actually want to. Not perfectly. Just intentionally.
We're all human. We lose it sometimes. That's not the problem. The problem is when we don't notice it happening until the damage is done.
The Conversation
Have a think about it this week. What rattles your cage? When do you notice it, in the moment, or after the fact? And what do you need to do to change your state so you can come back at it differently?
Those questions are worth sitting with. Because the answers are yours, and they matter.
Go well this week
Mary-Anne