Slower, Softer, Stronger
Slower, Softer, Stronger
I knew the half knee replacement would be tough.
What I didn’t expect was how much it would teach me—not just about healing, but about slowing down, starting over, and softening into the unknown.
It was supposed to be a fairly straightforward operation, as much as these things can be. But…
In the middle of surgery, my heart stopped.
Stillness. No rhythm. No beat.
The team acted fast—and I was brought back.
Not just to life, but to the people I love.
To breath.
To the quiet, pulsing reminder of what matters most.
This stopped being about a knee.
It became about how I want to live.
Since then, I’ve been learning to walk again.
Physically, yes—but also in how I carry myself.
There’s been a wobble in my steps and in my confidence.
I’ve questioned my strength.
I’ve had to rebuild trust in my body, in time, in myself.
And in all of it, a few quiet truths have stayed with me:
Make haste slowly.
I love momentum—but healing doesn’t care for deadlines. Progress has been found in small, steady steps. Not rushing. Just trusting the pace.
Go at your own speed.
Comparison is tempting. But healing, like growth, is personal. I had to walk my own path—and let that be enough.
Let people in.
I’ve always valued independence, but this season reminded me: strength lives in vulnerability. Letting others help was humbling, and healing.
Gratitude shifts everything.
It’s easy to focus on what’s hard. But noticing what’s improving—what’s possible—has softened my thinking and lifted the weight.
A few gentle ponderings I’m still carrying:
– What if the wobble is part of becoming steady again?
– What if slowing down is how we return to ourselves?
This experience has both softened and strengthened me.
It’s made me clearer on what matters.
Kinder toward myself.
And more connected to the kind of leader—and human—I want to be.
I’m not all the way there.
But I’m still stepping forward.
And maybe, that’s enough for now.
What’s a challenge that’s taught you something about yourself?
Let’s keep sharing.
With care,
Mary-Anne
Pause Before Pursuit
Pause Before Pursuit
I’ve noticed something.
When urgency creeps in—whether it’s to solve a problem, fix a conversation, or chase clarity—we can often forget to pause.
We rush toward action, toward certainty, toward getting it right.
But in that rush, we miss things.
The tone under the words.
The truth behind the reaction.
The quiet invitation to wait, to listen, to hold back just a little.
What if the pause is where wisdom lives?
What if the breath before the pursuit is the moment that matters most?
Lately, I’ve been practising the pause. Not perfectly, but purposefully.
Sometimes it’s one slow inhale.
Sometimes it’s a quiet question instead of a quick solution.
And often, that’s enough to shift everything.
A few questions I’m sitting with:
What am I assuming right now?
What’s the most generous explanation I haven’t considered?
Is this the moment to move… or the moment to listen?
The pause isn’t weakness.
It’s presence.
It’s strength held softly.
And sometimes—it’s the wisest step we can take before the next one.
Go gently,
Mary-Anne
Let Them!
Let Them!
Have you noticed how loud the voices can get?
Not the ones that hold us with care.
The others—the sideline voices.
The ones that sit in judgement masked as concern, yet still take up far too much space in our minds.
We find ourselves bending, explaining, overthinking—trying to be understood, to be liked, to keep the peace.
It’s exhausting.
Then enters two simple words:
Let them.
Let them misunderstand.
Let them judge.
Let them choose differently.
Not out of anger.
Not because we don’t care.
But because we’re learning not to hand our worth to those who were never meant to hold it.
Some gentle questions I’m asking lately:
What if I stopped chasing approval that costs me my clarity?
Who am I giving energy to, and why?
What would change if I simply… let them?
A few phrases that help me re-centre:
That’s not mine to carry.
I don’t need to prove myself to people not in the arena.
Let them. I’ll stay true.
Leadership begins here: in how we lead ourselves.
With steadiness.
With respect.
With enough space to grow, instead of shrink.
Let them.
And keep showing up—dusty, real, and ready.
Go gently,
Mary-Anne
The Emotional Toll of Leadership: Self-Care Strategies for Leaders
The Emotional Toll of Leadership: Self-Care Strategies for Leaders
Let’s be real—leadership is emotional. Some days, it feels like you’re carrying the weight of your team’s challenges, moods, and expectations, all while trying to keep your own emotions in check. You’ve got to be the steady one, the motivator, the problem-solver… even when you’re running on empty.
That’s emotional labour. And if you’re not careful, it can wear you down.
Why Does Leadership Feel So Emotionally Draining?
Because it is. Emotional labour is the effort we put into managing our emotions to meet the expectations of our roles. As a leader, that often looks like:
Smiling when you’re stressed.
Staying positive when things aren’t going well.
Being the ‘strong one’ when your team needs support.
And while this is all part of leading well, let’s not pretend it doesn’t take a toll. The constant need to regulate your emotions—whether you’re putting on a brave face (surface acting) or genuinely trying to feel positive (deep acting)—can leave you feeling drained, detached, or even burnt out.
How to Lead Without Burning Yourself Out
The good news? You don’t have to choose between being an emotionally intelligent leader and taking care of yourself. Here are some things that have helped me (and other leaders I know) navigate this without feeling completely exhausted:
Be Honest About What You’re Feeling
You don’t have to fake it all the time. Acknowledging your own emotions (even if you don’t always show them) makes a huge difference. It helps you process them instead of stuffing them down.Set Boundaries (Seriously, Do It)
I know, easier said than done. But you can’t be available 24/7 and still function well. Set office hours, schedule breaks, and say no when you need to. You’ll be a better leader for it.Find Your People
Leadership can feel lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether it’s a mentor, a peer, or a friend outside of work, having someone to talk to who gets it can make all the difference.Take Tiny Mental Breaks
You don’t need an hour-long meditation session—just a few minutes to step outside, breathe deeply, or put your phone down can reset your brain and help you keep going.Move, Sleep, Eat (the Basics Matter)
I know you know this. But when was the last time you actually made time for a walk, got a full night’s sleep, or ate something not out of a vending machine? Your body fuels your mind—take care of it.Let Yourself Be Human
You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t have to be perfect. Letting your team see you—not just the polished, always-in-control version—actually makes you a stronger leader.
Final Thought
Leading is emotional, no doubt about it. But it shouldn’t come at the cost of you. When you take care of yourself, you’re not just doing yourself a favour—you’re showing up better for your team, too. And honestly? You deserve that just as much as they do.
So, what’s one small thing you can do today to take care of yourself? Because you matter, too.
Arohanui,
Mary-Anne
The Future of Leadership: Prioritising Humanity in a Digital World
The Future of Leadership: Prioritising Humanity in a Digital World
This week, while having dinner at a place near where I was working, I witnessed a moment that was quietly profound—not just in its kindness, but in what it revealed about leadership. One of the kitchen staff walked out the front door, a box of food in hand, and crossed the road. His destination was a man sitting in a deck chair outside his car, which was clearly also his home. The kitchen worker crouched down, exchanged a few words, and handed over the food. There was no fuss, no need for recognition—just a simple act of compassion.
A few days later, over the weekend, I witnessed another gesture that carried the same quiet power. This time, it was someone buying an extra item of food while ordering. As they left the café, they approached a well-known local busker, a man in a wheelchair who often fills the streets with his waiata. The person stopped, smiled, and spoke kindly to him about his singing and his commitment. With a gentle hand on his shoulder, they offered the food, exchanged a few words, and walked away.
These weren’t grand gestures or headline-worthy acts. They were small, human moments that spoke volumes about compassion, connection, and most importantly, leadership. Because true leadership isn’t just about vision or strategy—it’s about actions that inspire others to care, to act, and to build a culture of kindness.
Leaders, whether they hold a title or not, are those who see the unseen, who pause long enough to acknowledge the humanity in others. These small acts of empathy demonstrate a kind of leadership that is rare in a world increasingly dominated by algorithms and automation. Artificial intelligence can process data, predict patterns, and even generate conversations, but it cannot replicate the warmth of a genuine smile or the sincerity behind a comforting touch. AI can enhance efficiency, but it can never lead with heart.
In a workplace context, these moments serve as powerful reminders of the impact leaders have when they act with empathy. A kind word to a team member struggling quietly, recognising the efforts of someone who doesn’t seek the spotlight, or simply listening without distraction—these are the leadership acts that build trust and inspire loyalty. They demonstrate a level of emotional intelligence that no machine can replicate.
As leaders, the challenge is to cultivate a culture where small acts of kindness are the norm, not the exception. To model the behaviour we wish to see, not because it’s strategic, but because it’s right. Leadership isn’t always about making big speeches or driving sweeping change. Sometimes, it’s about noticing the little things, reaching out, and showing that you care—not for show, but because you genuinely do.
So next time you see an opportunity for kindness, no matter how small, take it. Not just as a human being, but as a leader. Because leadership, at its core, is about setting a tone, creating a ripple effect, and inspiring others to do the same. In a world full of noise and automation, that might just be enough.
Arohanui,
Mary-Anne