Leading a Culture of Care in the Midst of Change (and When You’re Nearly Out of Coffee)

Let’s be real — some days feel like you’re spinning 12 plates, managing the caffeine supply, and holding space for everyone else. The pace is unrelenting. The pressure is real. And more and more, I’m hearing the same quiet truth: people are tired.

So you do what you’ve always done. You step in.
You remember the birthdays, notice when someone’s off, check in after a tough meeting, send the thoughtful text. You carry care — because people matter. Because connection matters.

But what happens when it starts to feel one-sided?
When you’re holding all the care… and it’s not being returned?

That’s real. And it’s quietly exhausting.

Care can’t be sustained if it only flows one way. Culture can’t be held together by just one or two kind-hearted humans doing the heavy emotional lifting. A strong culture is co-created. And when the load consistently falls on a few, it doesn’t empower — it erodes.

And here's the thing — your brain’s working hard in the background just to keep you functioning. As Psychology Today explains, our brains treat every change — even the small ones — as a potential threat. It's a built-in survival response. So when you layer emotional labour on top of ongoing change and uncertainty, your brain moves into protection mode. That means less capacity for creativity, care, and connection — and more fatigue, frustration, and fog (Stulberg, 2024).

No wonder so many are quietly cracking.

In Aotearoa, research shows that around 11% of people in caring or leadership roles meet the threshold for burnout (Carey & Naquin, 2024). And it’s not just workload — it’s the emotional load. The constant attunement to others. The quiet hope that someone will check in on you, too.

And as Dr. Michelle McQuaid gently reminds us:

“You can’t create a well workplace if your well-being is always at the bottom of your to-do list.”

So here’s your quiet reminder — maybe the one you didn’t know you needed:

You matter too.
Your energy. Your mauri. Your boundaries.

And sometimes, the most courageous thing you can do isn’t doing more — it’s gently inviting others to step in:

“I’ve been wondering how we each support the emotional load in this space — what have you noticed?”

“What might it look like if care was something we all contributed to, in ways that worked for us?”

And sometimes, it’s about stepping back just enough to make room.
Room for reciprocity.
Room for shared rhythm.
Room for others to carry care too — not as a burden, but as a shared value.

Because culture doesn’t shift through over-functioning. It grows through kōrero, invitation, and collective ownership — especially when things are hard.

Re-grounding Prompt:

Where might you be overextending — and what gentle pause, boundary, or ask could help restore balance this week?

With care,
Mary‑Anne

If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going — Leading Through Strategic Fog

If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going — Leading Through Strategic Fog

In Alice in Wonderland, when Alice asks which road to take, the Cheshire Cat replies,

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
She doesn’t know. So the Cat responds:
“Then it doesn’t much matter which way you go.”

Whimsical? Yes. But also painfully relevant for anyone leading in today's ever-changing environment. Because let’s be honest — how often are we asked to provide certainty, optimism, and direction… when the road ahead is still being drawn?

You’re navigating budget constraints, reform cycles, and shifting expectations. You’re holding the line while the path keeps moving. And at the same time, you’re expected to keep people connected and hopeful.

But leadership in times like these isn’t about knowing it all. It’s about knowing what anchors you. What you can offer - even when clarity is in short supply.

Ron Heifetz, the voice behind Adaptive Leadership, reminds us that leadership during complexity isn’t about delivering answers - it’s about creating the conditions for learning and adaptation. It’s about helping people stay connected to purpose while walking through ambiguity together.

That aligns with Michael Fullan’s take on change leadership too. He speaks often about coherence being more important than control - that people don’t need a detailed map as much as they need a shared direction, a sense that “we’re in this together,” even if the route isn’t fixed.

Simon Breakspear adds to this by encouraging “agility with intention.” It’s not enough to be flexible - we need to be flexible on purpose. As leaders, we can support change best when we create adaptive structures, reflect often, and stay close to the core kaupapa — the values and purpose that guide us when the vision gets hazy.

And in the midst of all this, James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, offers a simple truth that brings it all home:

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

Even when the big picture is fuzzy, small, intentional habits still matter. Weekly check-ins. Honest kōrero. Shared reflection. These rhythms help steady the waka. They build trust, traction, and resilience — not through grand gestures, but through everyday consistency.

So if you find yourself in strategic fog this week, here’s your invitation:

• Show up.

• Name what is known.

• Ask good questions.

• Stay grounded in your kaupapa.

• And invite your team to walk alongside you, not wait for you to figure it all out first.

You’re not being asked to be perfect. You’re being asked to be present. And that’s enough.

Something to Ponder:

What’s one thing you can clarify this week — even if the rest is still forming?

Stay steady,
Mary-Anne

When Trust Starts to Feel One-Sided — Holding Care and Accountability Together

When Trust Starts to Feel One-Sided — Holding Care and Accountability Together

Trust is like oxygen — invisible, vital, and easy to take for granted until it’s gone. As leaders, we often go the extra mile to create high-trust cultures. We offer grace, space, and flexibility. But what happens when that generosity starts to be taken for granted?

There’s a tipping point where trust starts to feel more like entitlement. Deadlines slip. Standards soften. And resentment — that quiet saboteur — starts to build.

This isn’t a moment for harshness, but for honesty. Clarity and care aren’t opposites — they’re partners. When expectations are clear, follow-through can thrive. Without them, even well-meaning people lose their way.

Brené Brown’s work on trust and boundaries reminds us that clear is kind — and that ambiguity creates disconnection. Her research highlights that trust isn’t built in grand gestures, but in micro-moments of integrity, reliability, and accountability. When we uphold expectations, we uphold dignity.

The kindest move is often a recalibration. “I’ve noticed a few things slipping — what’s going on?” opens the door for kōrero. So does reflecting on the impact, not just the intent. Flexibility only works when it’s balanced with responsibility.

Leadership Check-in:
What expectation or boundary could you re-clarify this week to reset the balance of trust and accountability?

Go with courage,
Mary-Anne

When the Decision Doesn’t Go Your Way — Leading with Grace and Grit

When the Decision Doesn’t Go Your Way — Leading with Grace and Grit

It’s not hard to lead when everything lines up with your thinking.
The real test comes when it doesn’t.

Like being handed the oars for a journey you didn’t chart — and still being expected to steer with purpose. That’s when grace and grit matter most.

Some of the toughest moments in leadership come when a decision is made that you don’t agree with. You’ve contributed your whakaaro. You’ve voiced your concerns. But once the decision is made, your role shifts — from debate to delivery. And your team? They’re watching. Not for perfection, but for presence.

This is where mature leadership shows up — not in the winning of the argument, but in the strength to align, support, and carry forward with integrity.

You might say something like:

“There were different perspectives in the room, and we had the chance to work through those. Now that a decision’s been made, we’re backing it as a team — and I’m here to support us to move forward together.”

It doesn’t give away your personal stance. But it signals something bigger: unity, steadiness, and mana.

Of course, it’s normal to feel the sting when your view wasn’t the one that carried. Taking a moment to process — with a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach — can help ground you. And then, it’s about the pivot: from reaction to response. Because passive resistance erodes trust. But grounded alignment builds it.

Angela Duckworth’s work on grit reminds us that resilience isn’t just about bouncing back — it’s about sticking with what matters most over time. Grit means leading with commitment, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. And when you lead like that, you create the kind of culture where others feel safe to stay with the kaupapa too — even when the wind shifts.

So if you find yourself on the other side of a decision this week, take a breath. Anchor back to your purpose. Lead with clarity, care, and consistency.

That’s mana in motion.

A Question to Sit With:
What’s one thing you can say — or model — this week that shows steady, values-based leadership, even when the decision wasn’t your own?

Go with mana,
Mary-Anne

The Delegation Dilemma

The Delegation Dilemma

You’ve planned your week. Prioritised. Blocked time for deep work.
And yet… you’re still buried.
Still in the weeds.
Still the go-to when things go sideways.

What’s going on?
Chances are—you’re not really delegating.
Not fully. Not effectively.

The Doing-It-All Trap

You care. You’re capable.
And honestly—it feels quicker to just do it yourself.

But the cost?

•  Less time for strategy

• Constant reactivity

•  Missed growth for your team

What Delegation Isn’t

✘ Dumping tasks without context
✘ Hoping for the best
✘ Hovering “just in case”

What Delegation Is

Clear: “Here’s the outcome—and why it matters.”
Supportive: “What do you need to feel confident?”
Imperfect: “Done and learning beats perfect and stuck.”
Connected: “Let’s check in—what would be helpful to cover?”

The Mindset Shift

Leadership isn’t about doing more.
It’s about creating the conditions for others to thrive.

That means stepping back—even when you could step in.
Trusting. Releasing. Creating space.

Ask Yourself:

→  Am I actually delegating—or just redistributing?
→  What am I holding that someone else could grow through?
→  What would happen if I trusted more—and held on less?

Your value isn’t in how much you carry.
It’s in what you make possible.

Start there.
Lead with trust.

Go well this week,
MA :-)