Understanding our Ego-states in Leadership.

Within my recent Positive Psychology studies (yes, another qualification!) I have delved into many areas of interest in relation to life and leadership.
One area that has me currently buzzing with thought comes from the field of Transactional Analysis, particularly the concept of ego states, and how it relates to our mahi as leaders.

Let me explain a bit more…

Within Transactional Analysis, the concept of ego states of Parent, Adult and Child speaks about the ego-space from which we may be operating at any given time. Being aware of these spaces not only influences our own self-awareness, it also supports us to understand how one’s ego state can influence others. In leadership, a leader's predominant ego state can significantly affect team members' responses and behaviours, shaping the overall team dynamic.

At any given time, we might find ourselves, or consciously choose to operate, from either a Parent, Child, or an Adult state. Each state, or positioning has some behavioural tendencies, which can also provoke certain reciprocal behaviours from others. Furthermore, when aware of our own position, we can also optimise this to support those we lead to level-up their own state.

The different Ego States and their influence on Others

1. Parent Ego State

• Nurturing Parent Influence: When a leader predominantly operates from the Nurturing Parent state, they offer support, reassurance, and encouragement. This can create a secure and positive environment where team members feel valued and cared for. Such an atmosphere often encourages employees to take risks, share ideas, and feel more connected to the team, fostering a sense of loyalty and motivation.
  However, an overemphasis on the Nurturing Parent state can sometimes lead to dependency, and cause others to shift into child-state. Team members might become overly reliant on the leader for support and validation, potentially hindering their ability to work independently and take initiative.

• Critical Parent Influence: Leaders operating from the Critical Parent state can be effective in setting standards, maintaining discipline, and ensuring compliance with rules and procedures. This can be beneficial in environments where structure and adherence to protocols are crucial.
  However, if used excessively, the Critical Parent state can create a restrictive and intimidating atmosphere. Team members may feel judged, criticised, or micromanaged, leading to a decrease in morale and creativity. It can also trigger defensive or rebellious responses, activating the Adapted Child state in team members, where they either comply reluctantly or resist authority.

2. Child Ego State

• Natural Child Influence: A leader who frequently engages the Natural Child state can inspire creativity, spontaneity, and a playful approach to problem-solving. This can lead to a more open and innovative team culture, where members feel free to express their ideas without fear of judgement. The Natural Child state can encourage others to also tap into their creative potential and embrace a more dynamic and flexible approach to work.
  However, if a leader excessively exhibits behaviours associated with the Natural Child, such as impulsiveness or lack of discipline, it can lead to a lack of structure and focus. Team members might struggle to find direction and consistency, potentially resulting in decreased productivity and increased confusion.

• Adapted Child Influence: If a leader exhibits traits of the Adapted Child state, such as excessive compliance or avoidance of confrontation, it may lead to an environment where issues are not addressed openly. Team members might mirror this behaviour, resulting in suppressed opinions and unaddressed conflicts. Alternatively, they might respond with their own Critical Parent state, stepping into a more dominant role to compensate for the perceived lack of leadership.

3. Adult Ego State

The Adult state is neutral and objective, focused on data, facts, and rational thinking. Leaders operating from this state promote a balanced and fair work environment. They are likely to encourage open communication, critical thinking, and a collaborative approach to problem-solving. This encourages team members to also engage their Adult state, leading to more effective and rational decision-making within the team.

The Adult state helps to mediate between the Parent and Child states, creating a stabilising influence that can diffuse potential conflicts and encourage constructive interactions. By modelling Adult behaviours, leaders can help team members develop their own Adult responses, fostering a culture of respect, responsibility, and logical thinking.

How might I apply this and what do I need to be aware of?

Matching and Mismatching States: You can intentionally match your ego state to that of your team members to build rapport or deliberately mismatch to redirect the interaction. Let’s have a look at a couple of examples:

Matching States: Suppose a team member is feeling overwhelmed with a project and starts acting from a Child state, expressing frustration and helplessness. You can match their state by adopting a Nurturing Parent response, offering reassurance and empathy. "I understand this project feels challenging right now. Let’s take a step back and break it down together. You’re doing great, and we’ll get through this."

Mismatching States: If a team member is acting rebelliously and refusing to follow procedures, they are in a Child state. Instead of responding with authority from a Critical Parent state, which might escalate the situation, you can adopt the Adult state. Provide calm, rational guidance: "I see you're frustrated with the current procedures. Let's discuss why they're important and how we can make this process smoother for everyone."

Awareness and Adaptability: A key aspect of effective leadership is the awareness of your own ego state and the ability to recognise and adapt to the states of others. By being mindful of how your ego state influences your team, you can better manage team dynamics, encourage positive behaviours, and mitigate potential conflicts. A couple of examples of this might be:

Leader Awareness: During a meeting, you notice you are operating from a Critical Parent state, setting strict deadlines and expectations. Recognising that some team members are reacting defensively, you consciously shift to an Adult state, encouraging open discussion about the challenges and seeking their input on the deadlines. "I understand the deadlines are tight. Let's talk about any obstacles you’re facing and see how we can address them together."

Leader Adaptability: A team member typically operates from an Adapted Child state, always agreeing and avoiding confrontation. You recognise this and adapt your approach by gently encouraging them to share their true opinions. "I appreciate your willingness to go along with the plan, but your insights are valuable. What do you really think about this strategy? Your perspective could help us improve."

Encouraging Growth: You can use your understanding of Transactional Analysis to foster personal and professional growth within your team. This can be particularly helpful if you feel you are doing it all.

For example: You notice that some team members often defer to you for decision-making. To foster their growth, you encourage them to operate more from their Adult state. During a team meeting, instead of providing all the answers, you pose questions that promote self-awareness and critical thinking. "What do you think is the best approach to tackle this issue? How do you suggest we proceed based on the data we have?" This approach helps them develop their problem-solving skills and confidence in making decisions.

When we are aware-of, and understand each of these states as leaders, we are then able to lead more consciously and purposefully. We can also start to realise when others may be operating from different states that can pull us into an undesired state, and adapt our own positioning to manage this.

Leading is highly complex, and can be like a dance; sometimes a waltz, and other times a tango. In recognising the impact of our own ego state and those of our teams, we are able to create a balanced environment that fosters growth, creativity, and mutual respect. This approach not only enhances individual and team performance but also contributes to a healthier, more supportive workplace culture.

I’m excited to be launching our 2025 programmes soon. If you want to get a jump-start on your PLD planning, drop me a line.