Emotional intelligence is more than recognising, labelling, and responding to our own emotions
Building our emotional intelligence is wider and deeper than a lot of people consider.
While acknowledging and navigating our internal emotional landscape is essential, true emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. It encompasses critical skills such as engaging in crucial conversations, demonstrating empathy, fostering relationships, setting and achieving personal goals, maintaining optimism during challenges, being flexible and agile, and approaching the world with a sense of curiosity. These skills are underpinned by self-awareness, but it is not the only element of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a more comprehensive and inclusive concept than commonly believed.
Mary-Anne Murphy
Building our emotional intelligence is wider and deeper than a lot of people consider.
While acknowledging and navigating our internal emotional landscape is essential, true emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. It encompasses critical skills such as engaging in crucial conversations, demonstrating empathy, fostering relationships, setting and achieving personal goals, maintaining optimism during challenges, being flexible and agile, and approaching the world with a sense of curiosity. These skills are underpinned by self-awareness, but it is not the only element of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a more comprehensive and inclusive concept than commonly believed.
The 2023 World Economic Future of Jobs report has identified 10 key work skills needed in the future of work. These are:
Analytical thinking
Creative thinking
Resilience, flexibility, and agility
Motivation and self-awareness
Curiosity and lifelong learning
Technological literacy
Dependability and attention to detail
Empathy and active listening
Leadership and social influence
Quality control
SOURCE: WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM “FUTURE OF JOBS REPORT 2023”
There are multiple emotional intelligence qualities required within these job skills. Daniel Goleman states “As much as 80% of adult “success” comes from EQ.”
If we were to only focus on the capability of recognising, labelling, and responding to our own emotions, it would be a bit like trying to kayak without a paddle, you are missing critical parts that activate your journey and give you momentum.
Take for example Mandy who began as the leader within a new workplace where she didn’t know anyone very well. She had to employ her skills of observation, curiosity, active listening and empathy to ascertain how this workplace ran, and where she could support them to add value. Whilst being mindful of her own emotional state, she also needed to employ additional emotional-social skills to enhance her leadership.
Emotional Intelligence is comprehensive and complex, yet absolutely vital for becoming future-prepared. It is not a skim-the-surface area of development, yet requires ongoing commitment and work to learn, apply and refine. But it is pivotal to work success.
Freeze Frame
Recently while waiting for a car service I wandered into a shop and came across a book that caught my attention and prompted the question:
“If you chose to write one line that reflected your day today, what would you write?”
Mary-Anne Murphy
“Let thy speech be short, comprehending much in a few words”. Apocrypha.
Recently while waiting for a car service I wandered into a shop and came across a book that caught my attention and prompted the question:
“If you chose to write one line that reflected your day today, what would you write?”
Another way of documenting and reflecting upon your day is through things such as the 365 Project, where you take a photo a day. What would your photo of today be?
Alternatively, a sketch a day is another way of documenting your experience.
How else could you capture your day succinctly?
The art of this is to be both present and reflective. To notice things in our day, and consider it a little more deeply than a fleeting thought.
What if this was also something children did to create mindfulness and reflection? How might that look?
If you had to write or capture your day, what would you say?
Going Bush
With a water sign as a Cancerian and a lifetime on the land, I am comfortable both at sea, in the bush and on a mountain. So when the Christmas break came about, I was yearning to reground myself… this time on land.
A friend of mine had been doing up a one-room bush cabin near the Pureora Forest. I was given the green light to use it, so off I went!
Mary-Anne Murphy
With a water sign as a Cancerian and a lifetime on the land, I am comfortable both at sea, in the bush and on a mountain. So when the Christmas break came about, I was yearning to reground myself… this time on land.
A friend of mine had been doing up a one-room bush cabin near the Pureora Forest. I was given the green light to use it, so off I went!
As I drove further away from town life, the air became clearer, nature more vocal and the surrounding silence soothing.
After a couple of hours I was bumping my way over rough forest tracks (thank goodness for a 4-wheel drive!), and into a clearing. Surrounded by native bush sat a hut that reminded me of something from a Western movie. This was to be my home for the next few days.
I turned my phone off (there was no cellphone coverage anyway), set up my mattress on the floor as a bed, and lit the gas ring to boil some water for a drink.
My first night’s sleep was a little disjointed, as my mind began to settle and the sounds of the bush once again became familiar.
My days were spent resting, reading, exploring the bush, writing and just being still.
I worked with the rhythm of my surroundings. Sleeping when the sun went down, resting or a walk under the cover of the bush when it was too hot. The tui’s song would wake me at daylight, followed by a chorus of excited chirping from other birdlife. It was bliss!
When it was time to leave, I felt reluctant. I wanted to stay there forever. Living simply, feeling grounded and connected to my inner self.
Coming back into civilization felt like a sensory affront — phone, people, cars, noise, rushing, pressure, responsibilities. As I reintegrated, this lessened.
My time in the bush may’ve been relatively short, but it was oh-so-sweet.
It has been a beautiful reminder that getting off-grid is good for my soul. It is not that hard for me to do, and it will help sustain me through the year.
What have you done to reground yourself? What works for you? Drop me a line, I’d love to hear.
Kotahitanga: Unity
I have worked with the most incredible people. Prior to our days together we have planned, discussed, shared and collaborated. There are hours of mahi that go into preparing a day that will guide their teams towards exploring and applying the intended learning. These days do not happen in an ad hoc way. They are personalised, and crafted to suit their unique context.
Mary-Anne Murphy
I sit writing this post after a few weeks back into the work year. My heart is full of gratitude.
Over the past weeks, I have worked with the most incredible people. Prior to our days together we have planned, discussed, shared and collaborated. There are hours of mahi that go into preparing a day that will guide their teams towards exploring and applying the intended learning. These days do not happen in an ad hoc way. They are personalised, and crafted to suit their unique context.
And then the day arrives. I am often greeted and shown manaakitanga with genuine feeling. I automatically feel comfortable, at home.
The day begins with karakia to open the space for our kaupapa and to call upon our forebears to guide us through our journey, closely followed by a waiata that unifies our voices and sends them to the heavens for all to hear, so that they might honour our journey with their wisdom. We are respectful.
Whakawhanaungatanga is closely followed, where we dedicate time to connecting, human to human, whakapapa to whakapapa, heart to heart. We are connected.
The path is open, and the learning is ready to proceed.
Throughout the learning that has been carefully crafted, there is time for group work, partner sharing, individual reflection, hands-on mahi and a variety of modalities to enhance the learning and honour the different ways we learn. And most of all, there is humour, belly laughs, giggles and wide-as smiles. We are present.
There are times of group reflection, where we honour the learning we have received, and share with courage the areas we would like to lean into. As this occurs, nods and affirmations can be heard as people support each other's learnings, and show them that they are not alone. We are vulnerable.
Kai is blessed. Honour and thanks are given to those who prepared it. There is a reverence towards how our kai is prepared, presented and partaken. It is also everyone's responsibility to clean up afterwards. We are one.
And at the end of the day, we reflect on our learning, placing these and our next steps at the altar of those whose wisdom and shoulders we have stood so that we might see new horizons. We are grateful.
We close with a karakia, to show our gratitude and set us safely on our way
And this to me is learning. It is the collaborative creation of a space where magic happens. It is where we each bring our ancestral and present knowledge and skills to co-create a new possibility that is grounded in our shared values.
I am utterly grateful to those who have taught me. Nowhere else in this world would I have grown into this kaupapa.
And so, as Waitangi Day is with us, I encourage you to lean into unity. Kotahitanga is our way forward. It takes us all.
What's in a word?
Each year people set themselves goals. To get fitter, spend more time with family and friends, get to that next level at work, grow their own veggies - the list is limitless.
James Clear says “Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress”, and so I have set this intention as the screensaver on my phone and laptop. It is also present as a card in my house. I keep it in front of me so it remains front of mind. It’s like a lens through which I see and operate with the world.
Each year people set themselves goals. To get fitter, spend more time with family and friends, get to that next level at work, grow their own veggies - the list is limitless.
I tend to, however, choose the path of setting an intention for the year. This intention is not a destination, it is more like a quality that I wish to lean into.
It is an intention that permeates my whole world and is ever present in my mind as True North.
A 2022 article in Time magazine by psychologists Jay Van Bavel And Dominic Packer states that “… by some estimates, as many as 80% of people fail to keep their New Year's resolutions by February. Only 8% of people stick with them the entire year”.
James Clear says “Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress”, and so I have set this intention as the screensaver on my phone and laptop. It is also present as a card in my house. I keep it in front of me so it remains front of mind. It’s like a lens through which I see and operate with the world.
My word for 2024 is Joy.
Incorporating joy into your daily life isn't just about surface-level delights; it's about creating a wellspring from deep within you. Not only will it build your own well-being, but the ripple effect will impact positively on those around you.
As I journey through 2024, I will ask myself the question “What would Joy do, think, say, feel or be?”. It is the touchstone I will continue to come back to throughout 2024.
Perhaps this idea is something you too would like to take up. If so, what quality would you like to lean into this year?
Mary-Anne Murphy