Do women inherently possess higher emotional intelligence than men?

Mary-Anne Murphy

I spend a lot of time around people, whether it’s on a plane, in a cafe, in a staffroom, or just general life admin. Sometimes, I can’t help overhearing pieces of conversations (honestly I’m not eavesdropping!). Some of the conversations centre around discussing partners or workmates. Often, these conversations include references to either a lack of or over-inflated emotional intelligence competencies.

You know the type of conversations… “They are just so arrogant, they don’t think they can do anything wrong”, or “I wish they wouldn’t be so kind, people are walking all over them”. And often, through my over-hearing ‘research’, these qualities are often attributed to a particular gender derivation. 

So, is there a difference between men's and women’s emotional intelligence? Is this a ‘thing’?

In a study by Bar-On (1997), it was found that women scored marginally higher in interpersonal relationships, social responsibility and empathy.

However, men scored slightly higher than females in stress tolerance and self-regard.

I know you will be chuckling to yourself as you read this research, thinking about that certain someone… But, I would like to point out the words marginally and slightly… there was not a great deal of difference between the two.

But wait, there’s more to this story…

In a further 2018 study by the University of Cambridge, they found that women showed more empathy than men. However, this difference was not due to their DNA as the study found there were only 10% differences in the genes that contribute to empathy in men and women.

This implies that the gender difference in empathy is the result of other non-genetic biological factors, such as prenatal hormone influences, or non-biological factors such as socialisation, both of which also differ between the sexes.

And, to add to this through my own 2019 research where we ran Emotional Intelligence assessments past 50 primary-aged students between the age of 7-11 years, we also found these trends were apparent.

So, despite the fact that genetically there is a minor difference, how we are brought up, who we are influenced by, and our socialisation plays a large part in either widening or closing this emotional intelligence competency gap.

So what might this mean for your family or workplace? How might you be unconsciously amplifying or dulling emotional intelligence competencies? And, is this helpful or not?

It’s a juicy topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

How do I ‘get’ this thing called Emotional Intelligence?

Mary-Anne Murphy

It’s not often people go around trying to ‘get’ or ‘catch’ something. We take vitamins, isolate ourselves, or label our drink bottles in an effort to avoid catching something. But, this thing called Emotional Intelligence is fast becoming the thing that a lot of people want to ‘get’.

Take for example a job where although it may require physical work, it still requires communication and interaction with humans. If someone is going to a worksite, they need to be able to interact with the customer before going ahead with the job. This may include introducing themselves, asking what the issue is, listening, showing empathy, being adaptive to their needs, and straightforward when they need to be.

Whilst someone may have the qualification or experience, and know what they are doing, and how to do it, they may not have the emotional intelligence to do it in a way that gets the best customer service. 

Soft skills are THE skills. 

So how do people ‘get’ emotional intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is a combination of nature and nurture. It is influenced by genetics but can also be developed through life experiences and practice. With a few exceptions, most individuals possess the capacity to enhance their emotional intelligence through intentional effort and learning.

Research also suggests that there is a developmental element to emotional intelligence.

Most people will improve their emotional intelligence through life experience, however, whilst a slight majority of older people are higher in EQ, it should be noted that there are many young people with high EQ scores which reinforces the idea that emotional intelligence can be learned.

I am heartened to be working in primary schools that are specifically building emotional intelligence learning into their curriculum. 

But, I also challenge those who aren’t. It is also more than just teaching students how to recognise, label and respond to their emotions, so if you are already doing mahi in that area, wonderful, but perhaps it is time to level it up. 

Where are the secondary schools and tertiary training organisations on this pathway? These are the skills for them to be future prepared. It can’t wait. Let’s talk! 

Rising Together

Mary-Anne Murphy

I am privileged to be part of a Hood...a Sisterhood. It is a sacred community and one never to take for granted. At 53, I look back on my experiences so far and consider, what legacy I would like to leave other women coming through the generations. What lessons have I learned, that might support their journey?

From my own experiences, I wish to share a few learnings that I would pass on:

• You are already worthy. You were born worthy, with nothing to prove.

• Asking for help is a sign of strength.

• Boundaries can lead to breakthroughs, particularly those we place on ourselves. Keep stepping forward.

• Our strength as women, is not devoid of the strength that men also bring. We can both co-exist and call upon both the yin and yang within each other.

• At the core of being a woman, is being human. No matter what orientation, we are, at the heart of it all, one.

• You do not need to have power over or give your power away to be heard or acknowledged. You just need to hold space and stand beside.

• You have much more inner strength than you might believe.

• You are part of a hood, a sisterhood. Being part of this sacred space comes with the responsibility to support each other to rise and be our best selves. When another Queen's crown is crooked, help them straighten it.

• You can be strong in your softness, and soft in your strength; we need both.

So, as we celebrate International Women's Day, I ask what would you say to the generations of women that are to come?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Emotional intelligence is more than recognising, labelling, and responding to our own emotions

Mary-Anne Murphy

Building our emotional intelligence is wider and deeper than a lot of people consider.

While acknowledging and navigating our internal emotional landscape is essential, true emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. It encompasses critical skills such as engaging in crucial conversations, demonstrating empathy, fostering relationships, setting and achieving personal goals, maintaining optimism during challenges, being flexible and agile, and approaching the world with a sense of curiosity. These skills are underpinned by self-awareness, but it is not the only element of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a more comprehensive and inclusive concept than commonly believed.

The 2023 World Economic Future of Jobs report has identified 10 key work skills needed in the future of work. These are:

1. Analytical thinking

2. Creative thinking

3. Resilience, flexibility, and agility

4. Motivation and self-awareness

5. Curiosity and lifelong learning

6. Technological literacy

7. Dependability and attention to detail

8. Empathy and active listening

9. Leadership and social influence

10. Quality control

SOURCE: WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM “FUTURE OF JOBS REPORT 2023”

There are multiple emotional intelligence qualities required within these job skills. Daniel Goleman states “As much as 80% of adult “success” comes from EQ.”

If we were to only focus on the capability of recognising, labelling, and responding to our own emotions, it would be a bit like trying to kayak without a paddle, you are missing critical parts that activate your journey and give you momentum.

Take for example Mandy who began as the leader within a new workplace where she didn’t know anyone very well. She had to employ her skills of observation, curiosity, active listening and empathy to ascertain how this workplace ran, and where she could support them to add value. Whilst being mindful of her own emotional state, she also needed to employ additional emotional-social skills to enhance her leadership.

Emotional Intelligence is comprehensive and complex, yet absolutely vital for becoming future-prepared. It is not a skim-the-surface area of development, yet requires ongoing commitment and work to learn, apply and refine. But it is pivotal to work success.

Freeze Frame

Mary-Anne Murphy

“Let thy speech be short, comprehending much in a few words”. Apocrypha.

Recently while waiting for a car service I wandered into a shop and came across a book that caught my attention and prompted the question:

“If you chose to write one line that reflected your day today, what would you write?”

Another way of documenting and reflecting upon your day is through things such as the 365 Project, where you take a photo a day. What would your photo of today be?

Alternatively, a sketch a day is another way of documenting your experience.

How else could you capture your day succinctly?

The art of this is to be both present and reflective. To notice things in our day, and consider it a little more deeply than a fleeting thought.

What if this was also something children did to create mindfulness and reflection? How might that look?

If you had to write or capture your day, what would you say?