From Flux to Focus.

In today's world, change is constant. Whether it's the environment, the people around us, or the political landscape, we all face an ever-shifting reality. This sense of flux can be felt especially in the workplace, where the pressures of the season and the demands of our roles can sometimes weigh heavily on us.

During the winter months, there's often a noticeable shift in energy levels. People may feel more tired, stressed, or even a bit withdrawn. These are natural responses to both the season and the challenges we face. However, it's important to recognise that when we're not operating at our best, it can affect those around us. This can lead to misunderstandings, tension, and even strain on relationships.

But there is a way to navigate these challenges with resilience and positivity. By taking a moment to reflect and ask a few key questions, we can prevent this state of flux from leading to fall-outs:

• What do you know for sure? Identifying the certainties in a situation helps to ground us and provides a solid foundation to build upon.

• What can you do to help? Offering support or solutions not only benefits others but also creates a positive ripple effect in the workplace.

• What would great look like? Visualising success helps to align efforts and inspires everyone to work toward a common goal.

• What can you do next to add value? Taking proactive steps, no matter how small, can make a significant difference and keep momentum going in the right direction.

By focusing on what we can control and taking positive action, we can navigate even the most challenging times with grace and strength. The key is to remain adaptable, supportive, and forward-thinking, ensuring that we all move through this period of flux together, stronger than before.

Are you thinking about 2025?

Take a sneak peak at our 2025 offerings.
Contact Mary-Anne to find out more.

Understanding our Ego-states in Leadership.

Within my recent Positive Psychology studies (yes, another qualification!) I have delved into many areas of interest in relation to life and leadership.
One area that has me currently buzzing with thought comes from the field of Transactional Analysis, particularly the concept of ego states, and how it relates to our mahi as leaders.

Let me explain a bit more…

Within Transactional Analysis, the concept of ego states of Parent, Adult and Child speaks about the ego-space from which we may be operating at any given time. Being aware of these spaces not only influences our own self-awareness, it also supports us to understand how one’s ego state can influence others. In leadership, a leader's predominant ego state can significantly affect team members' responses and behaviours, shaping the overall team dynamic.

At any given time, we might find ourselves, or consciously choose to operate, from either a Parent, Child, or an Adult state. Each state, or positioning has some behavioural tendencies, which can also provoke certain reciprocal behaviours from others. Furthermore, when aware of our own position, we can also optimise this to support those we lead to level-up their own state.

The different Ego States and their influence on Others

1. Parent Ego State

• Nurturing Parent Influence: When a leader predominantly operates from the Nurturing Parent state, they offer support, reassurance, and encouragement. This can create a secure and positive environment where team members feel valued and cared for. Such an atmosphere often encourages employees to take risks, share ideas, and feel more connected to the team, fostering a sense of loyalty and motivation.
  However, an overemphasis on the Nurturing Parent state can sometimes lead to dependency, and cause others to shift into child-state. Team members might become overly reliant on the leader for support and validation, potentially hindering their ability to work independently and take initiative.

• Critical Parent Influence: Leaders operating from the Critical Parent state can be effective in setting standards, maintaining discipline, and ensuring compliance with rules and procedures. This can be beneficial in environments where structure and adherence to protocols are crucial.
  However, if used excessively, the Critical Parent state can create a restrictive and intimidating atmosphere. Team members may feel judged, criticised, or micromanaged, leading to a decrease in morale and creativity. It can also trigger defensive or rebellious responses, activating the Adapted Child state in team members, where they either comply reluctantly or resist authority.

2. Child Ego State

• Natural Child Influence: A leader who frequently engages the Natural Child state can inspire creativity, spontaneity, and a playful approach to problem-solving. This can lead to a more open and innovative team culture, where members feel free to express their ideas without fear of judgement. The Natural Child state can encourage others to also tap into their creative potential and embrace a more dynamic and flexible approach to work.
  However, if a leader excessively exhibits behaviours associated with the Natural Child, such as impulsiveness or lack of discipline, it can lead to a lack of structure and focus. Team members might struggle to find direction and consistency, potentially resulting in decreased productivity and increased confusion.

• Adapted Child Influence: If a leader exhibits traits of the Adapted Child state, such as excessive compliance or avoidance of confrontation, it may lead to an environment where issues are not addressed openly. Team members might mirror this behaviour, resulting in suppressed opinions and unaddressed conflicts. Alternatively, they might respond with their own Critical Parent state, stepping into a more dominant role to compensate for the perceived lack of leadership.

3. Adult Ego State

The Adult state is neutral and objective, focused on data, facts, and rational thinking. Leaders operating from this state promote a balanced and fair work environment. They are likely to encourage open communication, critical thinking, and a collaborative approach to problem-solving. This encourages team members to also engage their Adult state, leading to more effective and rational decision-making within the team.

The Adult state helps to mediate between the Parent and Child states, creating a stabilising influence that can diffuse potential conflicts and encourage constructive interactions. By modelling Adult behaviours, leaders can help team members develop their own Adult responses, fostering a culture of respect, responsibility, and logical thinking.

How might I apply this and what do I need to be aware of?

Matching and Mismatching States: You can intentionally match your ego state to that of your team members to build rapport or deliberately mismatch to redirect the interaction. Let’s have a look at a couple of examples:

Matching States: Suppose a team member is feeling overwhelmed with a project and starts acting from a Child state, expressing frustration and helplessness. You can match their state by adopting a Nurturing Parent response, offering reassurance and empathy. "I understand this project feels challenging right now. Let’s take a step back and break it down together. You’re doing great, and we’ll get through this."

Mismatching States: If a team member is acting rebelliously and refusing to follow procedures, they are in a Child state. Instead of responding with authority from a Critical Parent state, which might escalate the situation, you can adopt the Adult state. Provide calm, rational guidance: "I see you're frustrated with the current procedures. Let's discuss why they're important and how we can make this process smoother for everyone."

Awareness and Adaptability: A key aspect of effective leadership is the awareness of your own ego state and the ability to recognise and adapt to the states of others. By being mindful of how your ego state influences your team, you can better manage team dynamics, encourage positive behaviours, and mitigate potential conflicts. A couple of examples of this might be:

Leader Awareness: During a meeting, you notice you are operating from a Critical Parent state, setting strict deadlines and expectations. Recognising that some team members are reacting defensively, you consciously shift to an Adult state, encouraging open discussion about the challenges and seeking their input on the deadlines. "I understand the deadlines are tight. Let's talk about any obstacles you’re facing and see how we can address them together."

Leader Adaptability: A team member typically operates from an Adapted Child state, always agreeing and avoiding confrontation. You recognise this and adapt your approach by gently encouraging them to share their true opinions. "I appreciate your willingness to go along with the plan, but your insights are valuable. What do you really think about this strategy? Your perspective could help us improve."

Encouraging Growth: You can use your understanding of Transactional Analysis to foster personal and professional growth within your team. This can be particularly helpful if you feel you are doing it all.

For example: You notice that some team members often defer to you for decision-making. To foster their growth, you encourage them to operate more from their Adult state. During a team meeting, instead of providing all the answers, you pose questions that promote self-awareness and critical thinking. "What do you think is the best approach to tackle this issue? How do you suggest we proceed based on the data we have?" This approach helps them develop their problem-solving skills and confidence in making decisions.

When we are aware-of, and understand each of these states as leaders, we are then able to lead more consciously and purposefully. We can also start to realise when others may be operating from different states that can pull us into an undesired state, and adapt our own positioning to manage this.

Leading is highly complex, and can be like a dance; sometimes a waltz, and other times a tango. In recognising the impact of our own ego state and those of our teams, we are able to create a balanced environment that fosters growth, creativity, and mutual respect. This approach not only enhances individual and team performance but also contributes to a healthier, more supportive workplace culture.

I’m excited to be launching our 2025 programmes soon. If you want to get a jump-start on your PLD planning, drop me a line.

Sports: Lessons in Leadership

I may not be an Olympic-level athlete…

BUT... I LOVE sports.

As a child, I was encouraged to participate in team sports. This instilled in me a commitment to the greater good—a "good" rooted in dedication to the team, the team's vision, and our collective goals.

I remember, as a secondary student, having to choose between two sports as a representative athlete. The skills required for both were complementary. I'm glad that we've moved beyond this limitation. At that time, I believed there was a place and time for pushing the boundaries of conventional thought; however, going it alone was not ideal. This was neither the time nor the context in which I had the support to challenge the status quo. While I was determined, as a teenager, I lacked self-confidence.

I then sustained a major injury in my chosen sport. Despite having a world-leading surgeon, there was no psychological support to help me push past it. The great Michael Jones was my benchmark. I would watch his progress and model my own journey after his, albeit without professional support. What I learned was that with determination, information gathering, and commitment, you can achieve things beyond expectations.

I then switched sports. I learned new skills while transferring the grit and resilience from my previous experiences into my new pursuits. I was doing well. I had the determination, responsiveness, and coaching from some of the best in the business. But then I faced another major challenge that sidelined me for a couple of years. During this time, I developed deep grit, focus, and the ability to overcome adversity, stand up for myself, and learn many transferable skills.

Over a 20-year period, I was involved in various other sports, mostly in a teaching capacity and sometimes competitively.

As my family grew up and my life expanded, I discovered a newfound yearning to be part of a team while also pushing my personal boundaries. This included trekking to some of the highest parts of the world. I absolutely loved it.

And now, here I am today, at age 54, ready for new adventures that combine elements of my past with new perspectives. This is a story yet to be written.

But what has all of this taught me about leadership?

I believe an equation sums it up:

(IS + TS) ES = PO

Individual strengths + Team strengths X Expert strengths = Powerful Outcomes

When individuals maximise their potential and the team harnesses these strengths, and then you bring in the expertise to mould and amplify them, you achieve powerful outcomes.

So, my question to you is, how are you amplifying each part of the equation to build powerful outcomes for those you serve?

I love working alongside those striving for powerful outcomes. I support organisations in amplifying these elements for their own powerful outcomes. 2025 is on my horizon. Let me know if you want to push the boundaries of the status quo, amplify momentum, and plan for the possibilities in your context

I’m excited to be launching our 2025 programmes soon. If you want to get a jump-start on your PLD planning, drop me a line.

Time may not be the enemy.

Mary-Anne Murphy

One thing I often hear in my mahi is the phrase, “We don’t have enough time.”

I admit, I sometimes feel the same way. Just thinking about our workload can make our stomachs knot, our hearts race, and even trigger a flight, fight, or freeze response. We might do anything but the work at hand, leaving us with a perfectly tidy office and no actual work done. Or we might complain about how much we do compared to others or about the relentless flow of tasks from above, like a fire hydrant that won’t shut off. And sometimes, we just procrastinate… and do nothing at all.

Time is a tricky subject…

So, I decided to take matters into my own hands. As Michael Altschuler says, “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” I looked at how I was working and where I might be wasting time to see how much control I actually had over my time.

I started to notice when I got side-tracked by my phone, got caught in long-winded break conversations, started doing other tasks like reading emails without answering any, or got stuck in my own mind trying to figure out how to do something.

What I discovered, aside from some distractive tendencies, was that I could be spending my time more purposefully.

So, I researched methods to help me focus better. I came across the Pomodoro Technique. Here’s how it works:

[Reference: https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/pomodoro-technique]

I found that it’s amazing what can be achieved in 25 minutes! I can stay focused for that long, achieve a lot when I concentrate on one task at a time, and I feel energized.

I set a timer on my phone, then put it aside or in a drawer to avoid distractions. I don’t look at it until the timer goes off.

Even better, this technique can work for children, especially those who struggle with focus. You could try it at your next staff professional learning day or even with a class of students.

At the International Conference of Thinking in Melbourne, I heard neuroscientist Dr. Mark Williams discuss this. Listen to his podcast interview here to capture some of the gems he shared.

So, if you feel like time isn’t on your side, consider how you could use it more effectively. Maybe even give the Pomodoro Technique a whirl… you have nothing to lose by trying.

Can AI Truly Mimic Human Emotional Intelligence?

Mary-Anne Murphy

When presenting at the recent International Conference on Thinking in Melbourne, I was fortunate to hear many incredible speakers. Topics ranged from ancient wisdoms, neuroscience, medicine and artificial intelligence. Throughout the conference, conversations were bubbling about the convergence of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and humanity. One such question that has been bubbling for me, is Can AI ever really understand and mimic human emotional intelligence (EI)? You know, that unique human ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions. So I thought, why not write a thought piece to explore this question.

The Complexity of Human Emotional Intelligence.

First off, let's break down what emotional intelligence actually is. It's not just about being able to tell when someone is happy or sad. Emotional intelligence, as explained by Martyn Newman, includes self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. It's about understanding your own emotions, empathising with others, and handling social situations with finesse.

Think about it—self-awareness means you can tap into your own feelings and understand what you're experiencing. AI, on the other hand, doesn't have personal experiences or a consciousness to tap into. It's like trying to explain colors to someone who’s never seen them.

Empathy is another biggie. It's not just recognizing that someone is upset; it's feeling a bit of their pain, understanding their perspective. AI might be able to recognize emotional cues, but it doesn't "feel" anything. It can simulate empathy, but it's not the same as genuinely sharing someone else's emotions.

Current Capabilities of AI in Simulating Emotional Intelligence.

AI has come a long way, though. Today, AI can analyze facial expressions, tone of voice, and even text to guess what you're feeling. Ever talked to a customer service bot that seemed to understand your frustration? That's AI trying its best to be emotionally intelligent.

In mental health apps, AI can monitor your mood and suggest activities to boost your spirits. These advancements show that AI can mimic some aspects of emotional intelligence, making our interactions with technology feel more human.

Limitations of AI in Mimicking Human EI.

But let’s not get carried away. There are some pretty big limitations. For one, AI doesn’t have consciousness. It doesn’t have personal experiences, so it can’t understand the full context of your emotions. It's like trying to understand a novel by only reading a summary—you miss out on the depth and details.

AI learns from data, which is great for spotting patterns but not so great for understanding nuances. For example, it might recognize that you're sad because you're crying, but it won't get why you’re sad. Maybe you're crying because you lost a loved one, or maybe because you just watched a touching movie. AI doesn't grasp those layers of meaning.

Ethical and Societal Implications.

Now, let's talk ethics. Emotionally intelligent AI could be used for good, like supporting mental health. But it could also be used to manipulate us. Imagine ads tailored to exploit your emotions or political campaigns that play on your fears. That’s a bit scary, right?

And there's the issue of bias. AI systems learn from data, which can be biased. If AI isn’t carefully monitored, it could reinforce stereotypes and inequalities. Making sure AI is fair and ethical is a huge challenge.

The Irreplaceable Human Touch.

At the end of the day, there's something irreplaceable about human interaction. Real empathy involves shared experiences and understanding that goes beyond data and algorithms. Human relationships thrive on authenticity and trust, which are built over time through genuine emotional connections.

In a nutshell.

So, can AI truly mimic human emotional intelligence? The short answer is no, not completely. AI can simulate aspects of it, making our tech interactions smoother and sometimes more supportive. But the depth, complexity, and genuine emotional understanding that come with being human are things that AI just can't replicate.

As AI continues to evolve, it’s essential to recognize its limitations and ensure it enhances, rather than replaces, the rich tapestry of human emotional intelligence. The future of AI and EI lies in working together, where AI helps us out but doesn’t take over the unique and irreplaceable essence of being human.

What do you think? Can AI ever truly "feel" like we do? Let's keep the conversation going!

References

1. Newman, M. (2009). Emotional Capitalists: The New Leaders. Wiley.

2. Turkle, S. (2011). Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other. Basic Books.

3. McStay, A. (2018). Emotional AI: The Rise of Empathic Media. SAGE Publications.

4. Sarsam, S. M., & Al-Samarraie, H. (2018). Towards Incorporating Emotional Intelligence into Artificial Intelligence Systems: A Literature Review. Journal of Intelligent & Fuzzy Systems, 34(2), 895-903.

5. Zuboff, S. (2019). The Age of Surveillance Capitalism: The Fight for a Human Future at the New Frontier of Power. PublicAffairs.

6. Eubanks, V. (2018). Automating Inequality: How High-Tech Tools Profile, Police, and Punish the Poor. St. Martin's Press.