Kotahitanga: Unity

Mary-Anne Murphy

I sit writing this post after a few weeks back into the work year. My heart is full of gratitude.

Over the past weeks, I have worked with the most incredible people. Prior to our days together we have planned, discussed, shared and collaborated. There are hours of mahi that go into preparing a day that will guide their teams towards exploring and applying the intended learning. These days do not happen in an ad hoc way. They are personalised, and crafted to suit their unique context.

And then the day arrives. I am often greeted and shown manaakitanga with genuine feeling. I automatically feel comfortable, at home.

The day begins with karakia to open the space for our kaupapa and to call upon our forebears to guide us through our journey, closely followed by a waiata that unifies our voices and sends them to the heavens for all to hear, so that they might honour our journey with their wisdom. We are respectful.

Whakawhanaungatanga is closely followed, where we dedicate time to connecting, human to human, whakapapa to whakapapa, heart to heart. We are connected.

The path is open, and the learning is ready to proceed.

Throughout the learning that has been carefully crafted, there is time for group work, partner sharing, individual reflection, hands-on mahi and a variety of modalities to enhance the learning and honour the different ways we learn. And most of all, there is humour, belly laughs, giggles and wide-as smiles. We are present.

There are times of group reflection, where we honour the learning we have received, and share with courage the areas we would like to lean into. As this occurs, nods and affirmations can be heard as people support each other's learnings, and show them that they are not alone. We are vulnerable.

Kai is blessed. Honour and thanks are given to those who prepared it. There is a reverence towards how our kai is prepared, presented and partaken. It is also everyone's responsibility to clean up afterwards. We are one. 

And at the end of the day, we reflect on our learning, placing these and our next steps at the altar of those whose wisdom and shoulders we have stood so that we might see new horizons. We are grateful.

We close with a karakia, to show our gratitude and set us safely on our way

And this to me is learning. It is the collaborative creation of a space where magic happens. It is where we each bring our ancestral and present knowledge and skills to co-create a new possibility that is grounded in our shared values.

I am utterly grateful to those who have taught me. Nowhere else in this world would I have grown into this kaupapa. 

And so, as Waitangi Day is with us, I encourage you to lean into unity. Kotahitanga is our way forward. It takes us all. 

What's in a word?

Each year people set themselves goals. To get fitter, spend more time with family and friends, get to that next level at work, grow their own veggies - the list is limitless.

I tend to, however, choose the path of setting an intention for the year. This intention is not a destination, it is more like a quality that I wish to lean into.

It is an intention that permeates my whole world and is ever present in my mind as True North.

A 2022 article in Time magazine by psychologists Jay Van Bavel And Dominic Packer states that “… by some estimates, as many as 80% of people fail to keep their New Year's resolutions by February. Only 8% of people stick with them the entire year”.

James Clear says “Goals are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress”, and so I have set this intention as the screensaver on my phone and laptop. It is also present as a card in my house. I keep it in front of me so it remains front of mind. It’s like a lens through which I see and operate with the world.

My word for 2024 is Joy.

Incorporating joy into your daily life isn't just about surface-level delights; it's about creating a wellspring from deep within you. Not only will it build your own well-being, but the ripple effect will impact positively on those around you. 

As I journey through 2024, I will ask myself the question “What would Joy do, think, say, feel or be?”.  It is the touchstone I will continue to come back to throughout 2024.

Perhaps this idea is something you too would like to take up. If so, what quality would you like to lean into this year?

Mary-Anne Murphy

What does it take?

I had an inkling that 2024 would be a year of profound transformation for me, but the revelations I've recently encountered have exceeded my expectations.

This year holds exciting opportunities for me, including collaborating with valued clients, delving back into face-to-face workshops, providing Emotional Capital training for RocheMartin, relaunching my Women in Leadership experiences, and pursuing a Diploma in Positive Psychology.

Answering the call to embark on personal travel adventures, I'm also off to India with two adventurous girlfriends early in the year. It's a destination I've always yearned to explore, and what better way to do it than with a couple of amazing wahine!

Recent news, though unexpected, has been a gift. Dealing with persistent back pain led me to a chiropractor who, after X-rays, revealed two fractured vertebrae in my lower spine, causing my vertebrae to slip out of place. Despite the challenges, this revelation also feels transformative. I am exploring how to manage the pain and continue leading a vibrant and healthy life. Its gift is also prompting a reassessment of certain aspects of my life and work.

What excites me about this revelation is the permission it grants me. It took an external force to propel me toward long-standing desires. To alter my work-life dynamic, consider how I do my mahi, and elevate my business with committed individuals.

Yet, why does it often take a major event to spur us into action regarding what we've long considered but postponed? Why do we sacrifice our desires when we could, in fact, have it all? What limiting beliefs hinder us from reaching our higher selves? Perhaps you're holding back on a decision, avoiding a crucial action, or letting independence hinder seeking support. Perhaps also, we need to redefine what success looks like.

I'm invigorated by this news, prompting me to view my world with fresh eyes. Grateful that it's not life-threatening, I am excited for what lies ahead!

As you step into 2024, what will it take for you to heed your internal calling? If you won't advocate for yourself, no one else will. So, just start.

And finally a message from Banksy:

Thank you 2023

I wish to end this year in the way I will continue ahead… with courage, vulnerability and a wee bit of sass. ;-)

2023 has been hard… for many…me included.

Weather events
2023 has seen some major weather events that have not only affected the environment but have had some major human-centred repercussions.

The devastating floods in Northland, Auckland, Napier, Hastings and Gisborne have brought together both the worst and the very best of humanity. At our best selves, we rallied to support our fellow humans in whatever means we were able… all of which felt so inadequate in relation to the devastation…and yet we gave.

I distinctly remember speaking with leaders in Napier-Hastings that I continued to work with over this time. The trauma experienced by all of their students, staff and school communities over this time continues to have ripples into their lives today.  After 3 years of covid-related stop-starts, 2023 was supposed to be the year of promise, they have shown huge tenacity and belief to come through these times.

My desire for them is that 2024 brings them hope and light.

Gaps or Gold
We all know that there are times when things feel really hard. It can feel as though there must be a better place or space to operate within. Believe me, I have done my own soul-searching this year. Is it worth the 5-6 nights a week away from home? Is it worth the multiple hats I wear? Is it worth the uncertainty that governments place on our future?

And yet, I always come back to my Why. I am dedicated to ensuring that every child is able to access learning and love in their learning environment. I know that home is not always a place they access it from. I hope that through my mahi, children and their teachers see their gold.

It is easy to look for what's not there. What you would love to have, or people to be, or your workplace to offer. But I know that what you focus on is what you see. You are the maker of your own destiny. If you wish to see the gold and embrace the opportunities within that, then the world can open to you. And so I choose gold. I choose to support people to see their own gold.

What is your choice for 2024?

Team
I have THE most incredible team of humans around me.

The Momentum Learning Team of Lennie, Sandy, Donna and Ripeka bring energy, commitment, professionalism and experience. Together we are a small, but hugely powerful team who make a marked difference to those we partner with. We each have our zones of expertise, yet support each other to be the best we can be. We care for and awhi each other both professionally and personally. I am privileged to work alongside such mana wahine toa.

Who is your support team heading into 2024?

Our Touchstone
Just like childbirth, you can have all the support people you like around you, but ultimately it is up to you. You need to push through the incredible pain to reach a new level of being.

Every day we are challenged, some are more difficult than others. There are times when we may be challenged to serve others at the expense of self, release our beliefs over what is popular, compromise our values for what is expected, and make calls that rock us to our very core.

In ancient times, a touchstone was used as a tohu, a guide for what was real and true.
Holding true to yourself through difficult times can be hard, but I think it is in the micro-moments that we build our supporting muscles for the heavy lifting when it is required of us. It's the microscopic pieces of sand and minerals that make the touchstone that create its strength. We too can create our own touchstone through our daily actions and choices.

Love
I wish to finish my final blog of 2023 with the following quote from leadership author and ex-soldier, Jim Kouzes and his colleague Barry Posner,

"The secret to success in life is to stay in Love."

When we stay in Love, we see goodness,
When we stay in Love, we see hope.
When we stay in Love, we see each other.

And when we stay in love,
We receive it in return.

Live in the moment, treasure your now. Tomorrow will come.

Embracing Boredom and Being

The holiday season is nearing and this also means that schools take a well-deserved break.
As parents and caregivers consider the time ahead, some are already quivering at the thought of filling the endless hours to keep their children happy, occupied, and preferably not maiming each other. 

As a young child, we spent countless hours during the holiday breaks making our own fun. Be it making secret pathways in the overgrown bushes up our driveway, playing ‘spotlight tiggy’, or creating plays that we would perform to family and friends, the space of nothingness allowed our creativity to grow. 

In a world where screens, gadgets, and distractions abound, the idea of letting kids feel bored might seem like an outdated concept. However, as Daniel Pink, a recognised author on the science of motivation, states “Guarding kids from ever feeling bored is misguided in the same way that guarding kids from ever feeling sad, or ever feeling frustrated, or ever feeling angry is misguided.” 

In today's fast-paced, hyper-connected world, children are bombarded with stimuli from a young age. Parents and caregivers often feel the pressure to keep their kids engaged at all times, fearing that boredom will lead to wasted time, frustration or getting into trouble. As a result, children are rarely allowed to experience the benefits of boredom, which include creativity, self-discovery, and the development of problem-solving skills. Our misguided pursuit of constant stimulation has hindered our children’s ability to sit in their own (dis) comfort.

Boredom is not the enemy; it is, in fact, a fertile ground for creativity. When children are left to their own devices without constant stimulation, they are forced to use their imagination and creativity to fill the void. This is where innovative ideas are born, and new talents are discovered. Boredom allows children to explore their interests and develop their own unique passions. This is not to say you might not suggest some options, or provide some stimuli, but too much parental input and stimulation can stop creativity that is born of ‘boredom’.

Believe me, having two very active boys of my own (now adults), I had to support them (and myself at times!), to navigate the space of ‘nothingness’ when arguments and niggles would arise. It was painful for us all at times, but leaving them to sort it out themselves and come to a decision on what they would like to do, provided them with far more relational intelligence skills than telling them what to do would ever foster.

As parents and caregivers, like walking a tightrope, it is hard to strike the balance between too much and not enough input.

It can, however, begin with us. Modelling to our children that it is ok to have downtime that is unplanned is important. What we model, they learn.

Not over-scheduling their lives and time is something else to be aware of. Providing unstructured time that encourages children time to explore their interests and experience boredom will not only open space for creativity, but also teach them how to just ‘be’.

In a world that often values constant stimulation and instant gratification, it is essential to remember that we are not Human-Doings, we are Human-Beings.