How do I ‘get’ this thing called Emotional Intelligence?
It’s not often people go around trying to ‘get’ or ‘catch’ something. We take vitamins, isolate ourselves, or label our drink bottles in an effort to avoid catching something. But, this thing called Emotional Intelligence is fast becoming the thing that a lot of people want to ‘get’.
Mary-Anne Murphy
It’s not often people go around trying to ‘get’ or ‘catch’ something. We take vitamins, isolate ourselves, or label our drink bottles in an effort to avoid catching something. But, this thing called Emotional Intelligence is fast becoming the thing that a lot of people want to ‘get’.
Take for example a job where although it may require physical work, it still requires communication and interaction with humans. If someone is going to a worksite, they need to be able to interact with the customer before going ahead with the job. This may include introducing themselves, asking what the issue is, listening, showing empathy, being adaptive to their needs, and straightforward when they need to be.
Whilst someone may have the qualification or experience, and know what they are doing, and how to do it, they may not have the emotional intelligence to do it in a way that gets the best customer service.
Soft skills are THE skills.
So how do people ‘get’ emotional intelligence?
Emotional Intelligence is a combination of nature and nurture. It is influenced by genetics but can also be developed through life experiences and practice. With a few exceptions, most individuals possess the capacity to enhance their emotional intelligence through intentional effort and learning.
Research also suggests that there is a developmental element to emotional intelligence.
Most people will improve their emotional intelligence through life experience, however, whilst a slight majority of older people are higher in EQ, it should be noted that there are many young people with high EQ scores which reinforces the idea that emotional intelligence can be learned.
I am heartened to be working in primary schools that are specifically building emotional intelligence learning into their curriculum.
But, I also challenge those who aren’t. It is also more than just teaching students how to recognise, label and respond to their emotions, so if you are already doing mahi in that area, wonderful, but perhaps it is time to level it up.
Where are the secondary schools and tertiary training organisations on this pathway? These are the skills for them to be future prepared. It can’t wait. Let’s talk!
Rising Together
I am privileged to be part of a Hood...a Sisterhood. It is a sacred community and one never to take for granted. At 53, I look back on my experiences so far and consider, what legacy I would like to leave other women coming through the generations. What lessons have I learned, that might support their journey?
Mary-Anne Murphy
I am privileged to be part of a Hood...a Sisterhood. It is a sacred community and one never to take for granted. At 53, I look back on my experiences so far and consider, what legacy I would like to leave other women coming through the generations. What lessons have I learned, that might support their journey?
From my own experiences, I wish to share a few learnings that I would pass on:
You are already worthy. You were born worthy, with nothing to prove.
Asking for help is a sign of strength.
Boundaries can lead to breakthroughs, particularly those we place on ourselves. Keep stepping forward.
Our strength as women, is not devoid of the strength that men also bring. We can both co-exist and call upon both the yin and yang within each other.
At the core of being a woman, is being human. No matter what orientation, we are, at the heart of it all, one.
You do not need to have power over or give your power away to be heard or acknowledged. You just need to hold space and stand beside.
You have much more inner strength than you might believe.
You are part of a hood, a sisterhood. Being part of this sacred space comes with the responsibility to support each other to rise and be our best selves. When another Queen's crown is crooked, help them straighten it.
You can be strong in your softness, and soft in your strength; we need both.
So, as we celebrate International Women's Day, I ask what would you say to the generations of women that are to come?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Emotional intelligence is more than recognising, labelling, and responding to our own emotions
Building our emotional intelligence is wider and deeper than a lot of people consider.
While acknowledging and navigating our internal emotional landscape is essential, true emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. It encompasses critical skills such as engaging in crucial conversations, demonstrating empathy, fostering relationships, setting and achieving personal goals, maintaining optimism during challenges, being flexible and agile, and approaching the world with a sense of curiosity. These skills are underpinned by self-awareness, but it is not the only element of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a more comprehensive and inclusive concept than commonly believed.
Mary-Anne Murphy
Building our emotional intelligence is wider and deeper than a lot of people consider.
While acknowledging and navigating our internal emotional landscape is essential, true emotional intelligence goes beyond self-awareness. It encompasses critical skills such as engaging in crucial conversations, demonstrating empathy, fostering relationships, setting and achieving personal goals, maintaining optimism during challenges, being flexible and agile, and approaching the world with a sense of curiosity. These skills are underpinned by self-awareness, but it is not the only element of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a more comprehensive and inclusive concept than commonly believed.
The 2023 World Economic Future of Jobs report has identified 10 key work skills needed in the future of work. These are:
Analytical thinking
Creative thinking
Resilience, flexibility, and agility
Motivation and self-awareness
Curiosity and lifelong learning
Technological literacy
Dependability and attention to detail
Empathy and active listening
Leadership and social influence
Quality control
SOURCE: WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM “FUTURE OF JOBS REPORT 2023”
There are multiple emotional intelligence qualities required within these job skills. Daniel Goleman states “As much as 80% of adult “success” comes from EQ.”
If we were to only focus on the capability of recognising, labelling, and responding to our own emotions, it would be a bit like trying to kayak without a paddle, you are missing critical parts that activate your journey and give you momentum.
Take for example Mandy who began as the leader within a new workplace where she didn’t know anyone very well. She had to employ her skills of observation, curiosity, active listening and empathy to ascertain how this workplace ran, and where she could support them to add value. Whilst being mindful of her own emotional state, she also needed to employ additional emotional-social skills to enhance her leadership.
Emotional Intelligence is comprehensive and complex, yet absolutely vital for becoming future-prepared. It is not a skim-the-surface area of development, yet requires ongoing commitment and work to learn, apply and refine. But it is pivotal to work success.
Freeze Frame
Recently while waiting for a car service I wandered into a shop and came across a book that caught my attention and prompted the question:
“If you chose to write one line that reflected your day today, what would you write?”
Mary-Anne Murphy
“Let thy speech be short, comprehending much in a few words”. Apocrypha.
Recently while waiting for a car service I wandered into a shop and came across a book that caught my attention and prompted the question:
“If you chose to write one line that reflected your day today, what would you write?”
Another way of documenting and reflecting upon your day is through things such as the 365 Project, where you take a photo a day. What would your photo of today be?
Alternatively, a sketch a day is another way of documenting your experience.
How else could you capture your day succinctly?
The art of this is to be both present and reflective. To notice things in our day, and consider it a little more deeply than a fleeting thought.
What if this was also something children did to create mindfulness and reflection? How might that look?
If you had to write or capture your day, what would you say?
Going Bush
With a water sign as a Cancerian and a lifetime on the land, I am comfortable both at sea, in the bush and on a mountain. So when the Christmas break came about, I was yearning to reground myself… this time on land.
A friend of mine had been doing up a one-room bush cabin near the Pureora Forest. I was given the green light to use it, so off I went!
Mary-Anne Murphy
With a water sign as a Cancerian and a lifetime on the land, I am comfortable both at sea, in the bush and on a mountain. So when the Christmas break came about, I was yearning to reground myself… this time on land.
A friend of mine had been doing up a one-room bush cabin near the Pureora Forest. I was given the green light to use it, so off I went!
As I drove further away from town life, the air became clearer, nature more vocal and the surrounding silence soothing.
After a couple of hours I was bumping my way over rough forest tracks (thank goodness for a 4-wheel drive!), and into a clearing. Surrounded by native bush sat a hut that reminded me of something from a Western movie. This was to be my home for the next few days.
I turned my phone off (there was no cellphone coverage anyway), set up my mattress on the floor as a bed, and lit the gas ring to boil some water for a drink.
My first night’s sleep was a little disjointed, as my mind began to settle and the sounds of the bush once again became familiar.
My days were spent resting, reading, exploring the bush, writing and just being still.
I worked with the rhythm of my surroundings. Sleeping when the sun went down, resting or a walk under the cover of the bush when it was too hot. The tui’s song would wake me at daylight, followed by a chorus of excited chirping from other birdlife. It was bliss!
When it was time to leave, I felt reluctant. I wanted to stay there forever. Living simply, feeling grounded and connected to my inner self.
Coming back into civilization felt like a sensory affront — phone, people, cars, noise, rushing, pressure, responsibilities. As I reintegrated, this lessened.
My time in the bush may’ve been relatively short, but it was oh-so-sweet.
It has been a beautiful reminder that getting off-grid is good for my soul. It is not that hard for me to do, and it will help sustain me through the year.
What have you done to reground yourself? What works for you? Drop me a line, I’d love to hear.