Beating the Blame-Game at work

Beating the Blame-Game at work

Blame is like a quicksand trap in the workplace—it feels easier to point fingers than to take responsibility, but in the long run, it drags everyone down. Whether it’s blaming leadership for unclear direction, colleagues for dropping the ball, or even external factors like budget cuts, the blame game keeps teams stuck in cycles of frustration and disengagement.

If we want to create thriving, accountable workplaces, we need to step away from blame and into curiosity, courage, and personal responsibility. This isn’t just about being ‘nice’—it’s about being effective. As Brené Brown says, “Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain.” It gives us a temporary sense of relief but does nothing to solve the actual problem. Cy Wakeman takes it further, arguing that blame and drama rob workplaces of productivity and engagement. She calls it ‘emotional waste’—and let’s be honest, none of us need more of that.

So how do we stop the blame game and start getting results?

1. Own Your Part

It’s tempting to think the problem is out there—bad leadership, slow colleagues, or unfair policies. But Cy Wakeman challenges us to ask: What can I do to add value, regardless of the circumstances? Instead of waiting for others to change, focus on what you can influence. This shift from ‘victim’ to ‘problem solver’ boosts your confidence and effectiveness.

A practical way to start? Try reframing frustrations into action-oriented questions:

• Instead of “Why didn’t they give us more notice?” → “What can I do to get clarity earlier next time?”

• Instead of “Why is leadership always out of touch?” → “What feedback could I offer that might help bridge the gap?”

2. Get Curious, Not Defensive

Blame thrives when we assume we already know who’s at fault. But Brené Brown reminds us that the antidote to blame is curiosity. Next time frustration bubbles up, pause and ask:

• What else might be going on here?

• What’s my role in this?

• What conversation needs to happen?

By replacing blame with curiosity, we open up space for understanding and problem-solving instead of fuelling workplace drama.

3. Call It When You See It

Blame can become a workplace habit. If you notice a ‘blame storm’ starting, try a gentle but firm redirection:

• “I hear the frustration—how can we move forward?”

• “What’s the best way to solve this together?”

• “Let’s focus on what we can control.”

When leaders model this, it sets the tone for a blame-free culture. Instead of pointing fingers, the team learns to pivot toward solutions.

4. Build Psychological Safety

Blame often comes from fear—fear of failure, judgment, or not being good enough. Brené Brown’s research shows that psychological safety (the belief that you can take risks and be vulnerable without punishment) is essential for high-performing teams. Creating a culture where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities, not ammunition, builds trust and accountability.

The Bottom Line

The blame game wastes time, energy, and goodwill. By shifting from blame to ownership, curiosity, and problem-solving, we create workplaces where people feel empowered, not stuck. Next time frustration hits, pause. Ask yourself: Am I adding to the problem or the solution? That small shift can change everything.

Arohanui,
Mary-Anne

Beyond Buzzwords: Building a Culture That Cares

Beyond Buzzwords: Building a Culture That Cares

If you’ve been part of any team, organisation, or workplace, chances are you’ve heard phrases like “collaborative culture,” “growth mindset,” or “innovative leadership.” They sound great, don’t they? But too often, these words end up as empty slogans—things we say but don’t always do.

Here’s the truth: culture isn’t built on buzzwords. It’s built on people. It’s built on how we show up for each other, the trust we create, and the mahi we do together. A culture that truly cares doesn’t just tick boxes—it makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to give their best.

So how do we move from buzzwords to a culture that genuinely cares? Let’s explore.

1. Start With Real Conversations

Care starts with listening. Ask yourself: Do I really understand what my team needs? Take time to create spaces for open, honest kōrero. Whether it’s a one-on-one chat, a quick team check-in, or an anonymous survey, the key is to listen without judgement.

When people feel heard, they feel valued. That’s where trust begins, and it’s the foundation for everything else.

2. Build Psychological Safety

A culture of care is only possible when people feel safe—safe to share ideas, take risks, and even admit mistakes without fear of judgement. Timothy R. Clarke’s Four Stages of Psychological Safety is a powerful guide for leaders:

Inclusion Safety – Make sure everyone feels they belong and are respected for who they are. Whanaungatanga is key here—building a sense of belonging that goes beyond roles or titles.

Learner Safety – Encourage curiosity and learning. Make it okay to ask questions, seek feedback, and even fail as part of growth.

Contributor Safety – Empower your team to share their ideas and skills freely. Celebrate diverse thinking and create space for collaboration.

Challenger Safety – Create an environment where people feel confident to question the status quo or offer new solutions. Respectful challenge is often where the best ideas come from.

By embedding these stages into your daily practices, you create a space where people feel safe, valued, and supported to do their best work.

3. Live Your Values

Every organisation has values, but they only matter when they’re lived out. A culture that cares aligns its actions with its values—every day, in big and small ways.

For example, if your organisation values manaakitanga, how are you showing that through your leadership? Are you supporting your team during busy times or tough challenges? If whanaungatanga is a priority, are you making time for connection and meaningful interactions?

Care is visible. It’s felt in the way we act, not just the words we say.

4. Celebrate the Small Wins

Culture isn’t built in one giant leap. It’s built through small, consistent actions that reflect care and support. Celebrate those moments. Whether it’s a team member stepping up to help during a tight deadline or someone showing resilience through a tough day, acknowledge the effort.

These small wins add up. Over time, they create a culture where people feel appreciated and motivated to contribute.

5. Lead By Example

As a leader, you set the tone for your team. If you want a culture that cares, you need to model the behaviours you hope to see.

Show vulnerability by admitting when you don’t have all the answers. Prioritise your own well-being and encourage your team to do the same. Be open to feedback and demonstrate how to give it constructively.

Your actions speak louder than words. A leader who cares inspires others to care too.

6. Build Trust Through Mahi

Stephen M. R. Covey’s The Speed of Trust reminds us that trust is built through two things: character and competence. It’s not enough to care—you also need to deliver on your promises.

One of the best ways to build trust is through the mahi you do together. Shared work creates shared understanding. It shows your team that you’re there to support them, not just to delegate.

This might mean rolling up your sleeves during a busy period, collaborating on a challenging project, or stepping in when someone needs extra help. Trust grows when people see that you not only care about them but also follow through on your commitments.

And as Covey points out, trust makes everything faster and easier. It reduces friction, increases collaboration, and creates a team that feels like a real whānau.

7. Reflect, Adjust, and Evolve

A culture of care isn’t static—it grows and adapts with your team. Regularly reflect on what’s working and what isn’t. Involve your team in shaping the way forward and be open to change.

Remember, care is a journey, not a destination.

So next time you hear a fancy buzzword, pause and ask: How can I show my team that I care? That’s where the real work begins.

Arohanui,

Mary-Anne

Stepping into Expansion: A Journey of Growth

Stepping into Expansion: A Journey of Growth

Sometimes, life feels comfortable, even predictable. We settle into the familiar routines, the safe choices, the known paths. It’s warm, secure—but if we’re honest, it can also feel a little too small.

Recently, I’ve been reflecting on growth and what it means to truly expand. Not just in what we achieve, but in how we see the world, the opportunities we embrace, and the connections we cultivate. Growth isn’t always about doing more; sometimes, it’s about thinking bigger, stepping beyond the safe and known.

For me, this realisation began when I noticed how narrow my vision had become. I was focusing on the tasks directly in front of me—what needed to be done today, this week, this term. It was efficient but limiting, like looking at life through a keyhole. I realised I needed to widen my perspective, to ask, What else is possible? What haven’t I considered yet?

Expansion often means letting go of something. Closing some doors to allow others to open. This isn’t easy—those closed doors often represent effort, investment, or comfort. But growth requires space, and sometimes that space only comes when we release what no longer serves us.

It also means seeking out collaboration and connection. Growth doesn’t happen in isolation. When we work with others, we gain fresh perspectives, new ideas, and opportunities we might never have imagined on our own. I’ve found some of my most meaningful growth moments through unexpected partnerships—when someone’s different way of seeing the world challenged me to think bigger.

There’s also an element of bravery in expansion. It’s not just about opening up to possibilities; it’s about stepping into them, even when they feel uncertain or uncomfortable. That’s where the real growth happens—when we stretch beyond what feels safe and familiar and trust that the leap will be worth it.

This journey of expansion has taught me to regularly check in with myself: Is my vision shrinking? If I catch myself settling too firmly into the known, I ask: How can I widen my view? What opportunities am I not seeing? Where can I invite growth and collaboration into my life?

Expansion doesn’t mean rushing or forcing—it’s about allowing. Allowing yourself to dream a little bigger, to step through new doors, to explore what lies beyond the edges of your comfort zone.

If growth is calling you, take a moment to pause and look around. Notice where your vision has narrowed, and ask yourself: What could I see if I opened my mind and heart a little wider? Growth is waiting—it’s up to us to step into it.

Arohanui,
Mary-Anne

What’s in a Word?

What’s in a word?

Finding My Equilibrium: A Journey of Balance

Lately, I’ve been thinking about balance—not the kind you find on a tightrope, but the deeper kind that sustains us. It’s the balance between soft and strong, between being and doing, between inhaling the world’s offerings and exhaling what I have to give. It’s a dance we’re all in, whether we realise it or not.

For me, this journey towards equilibrium started with a simple question: How much is enough? Enough work, enough rest, enough joy. The truth was, I had lost that knowing. I’d been so focused on doing—meeting deadlines, supporting others, ticking off to-do lists—that I hadn’t paused to breathe deeply, let alone ask if my life felt balanced.

It connects with Te Whare Tapa Whā, a model of well-being created by the amazing Mason Durie. Like a whare (house), our lives are built on four pillars: taha tinana (physical well-being), taha wairua (spiritual well-being), taha whānau (family and social well-being), and taha hinengaro (mental and emotional well-being). When one pillar is weak or neglected, the whole structure can feel unsteady. My whare wasn’t collapsing, but it wasn’t solid either.

One Sunday afternoon, I decided to begin the journey of recalibration. I pulled out my notebook and divided the page into two columns: “Mahi” (work) and “Rest”. Under mahi, I listed the tasks I knew were necessary but draining. Under rest, I jotted down what recharged me—reading, painting, walking by the sea. The mahi column was longer, but seeing them side by side reminded me I had choices.

That week, I began to weave in rest more deliberately. After an intense meeting, I took five minutes to just breathe and look at the sky. On a busy Wednesday evening, I set aside time to journal, not because I had to, but because it felt good. These weren’t grand gestures, but they were enough to feel the shift.

I realised that equilibrium isn’t a perfect balance—it’s a constant practice. It’s noticing when you’ve leaned too far into one side and gently pulling yourself back. It’s recognising that being and doing aren’t opposites; they’re partners in a life well-lived.

Some days, I still get it wrong. The mahi piles up, and rest feels like a luxury I can’t afford. But now, I’m quicker to pause, breathe, and ask myself: What does my whare need right now?

Equilibrium isn’t about doing less; it’s about living more intentionally. It’s about embracing both the inhale and the exhale, the soft and the strong, the mahi and the rest.

It’s a journey, and like all journeys, it begins with a single step. For me, that step was asking, How much is enough? Maybe it’s time you asked too.

Arohanui,
Mary-Anne

My Joy Journey

My word for 2024 was Joy.

Joy in my mahi, joy in my life, and joyful relationships.

As we know, life throws us lessons that can feel less than joyful at times, while also serving up the most joyful moments imaginable. It’s the rollercoaster of life that we hold onto, and as much as we may try to control the ups and downs, the track is already set. It’s how we ride it that makes the difference to the outcome.

In my mahi, I have walked alongside incredible people who inspire me every day to be a better version of both my professional and personal self so that I can bring my best self to them and their people. I have also navigated extremes in governmental policies around funding allocations, which have impacted my business—but not my resolve. I remain intent on my purpose: supporting people to recognise and live into their life’s purpose. This fills my heart with joy. Their successes, their connection to self and others, and their growth light a fire in my soul, reminding me that I am walking the right path.

Amidst all of this, I have travelled the path of self-doubt—perhaps even more than usual this year. In my mid-50s, I have often felt invisible, overlooked, out of touch, and, at times, irrelevant. I’ve had to dig deep to reaffirm my sense of self, place, and space in the world and in my mahi. This is another pathway of womanhood—one we don’t often talk about, but one that I know affects many of us wāhine toa.

Personally, 2024 has been a similar journey. The changing seasons of life have led me to reassess who gets to be in my precious life and which relationships I wish to nourish and nurture. This has been a grieving cycle in itself, but one that has left me with absolute clarity about my worth, my boundaries, and who I wish to give my time and love to.

And so, 2025 is now here.

I have taken time out in Thailand to recalibrate, reconnect, and deepen my connections with myself and those close to me.

I step into this year firmly and intentionally. I step with a full and open heart.
I step with a clear intent to be and bring my best self.
I also move forward with an even deeper understanding of who I am.

So, my two words for 2025 are Balance and Expansion.

I’ll tell you more about those in my next post.

What are your learnings and gratitude’s from 2024? I’d love to hear.

Big aroha,

MA. xo

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