When the Decision Doesn’t Go Your Way — Leading with Grace and Grit
When the Decision Doesn’t Go Your Way — Leading with Grace and Grit
It’s not hard to lead when everything lines up with your thinking.
The real test comes when it doesn’t.
Like being handed the oars for a journey you didn’t chart — and still being expected to steer with purpose. That’s when grace and grit matter most.
Some of the toughest moments in leadership come when a decision is made that you don’t agree with. You’ve contributed your whakaaro. You’ve voiced your concerns. But once the decision is made, your role shifts — from debate to delivery. And your team? They’re watching. Not for perfection, but for presence.
This is where mature leadership shows up — not in the winning of the argument, but in the strength to align, support, and carry forward with integrity.
You might say something like:
“There were different perspectives in the room, and we had the chance to work through those. Now that a decision’s been made, we’re backing it as a team — and I’m here to support us to move forward together.”
It doesn’t give away your personal stance. But it signals something bigger: unity, steadiness, and mana.
Of course, it’s normal to feel the sting when your view wasn’t the one that carried. Taking a moment to process — with a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach — can help ground you. And then, it’s about the pivot: from reaction to response. Because passive resistance erodes trust. But grounded alignment builds it.
Angela Duckworth’s work on grit reminds us that resilience isn’t just about bouncing back — it’s about sticking with what matters most over time. Grit means leading with commitment, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. And when you lead like that, you create the kind of culture where others feel safe to stay with the kaupapa too — even when the wind shifts.
So if you find yourself on the other side of a decision this week, take a breath. Anchor back to your purpose. Lead with clarity, care, and consistency.
That’s mana in motion.
A Question to Sit With:
What’s one thing you can say — or model — this week that shows steady, values-based leadership, even when the decision wasn’t your own?
Go with mana,
Mary-Anne
The Delegation Dilemma
The Delegation Dilemma
You’ve planned your week. Prioritised. Blocked time for deep work.
And yet… you’re still buried.
Still in the weeds.
Still the go-to when things go sideways.
What’s going on?
Chances are—you’re not really delegating.
Not fully. Not effectively.
The Doing-It-All Trap
You care. You’re capable.
And honestly—it feels quicker to just do it yourself.
But the cost?
Less time for strategy
Constant reactivity
Missed growth for your team
What Delegation Isn’t
✘ Dumping tasks without context
✘ Hoping for the best
✘ Hovering “just in case”
What Delegation Is
Clear: “Here’s the outcome—and why it matters.”
Supportive: “What do you need to feel confident?”
Imperfect: “Done and learning beats perfect and stuck.”
Connected: “Let’s check in—what would be helpful to cover?”
The Mindset Shift
Leadership isn’t about doing more.
It’s about creating the conditions for others to thrive.
That means stepping back—even when you could step in.
Trusting. Releasing. Creating space.
Ask Yourself:
→ Am I actually delegating—or just redistributing?
→ What am I holding that someone else could grow through?
→ What would happen if I trusted more—and held on less?
Your value isn’t in how much you carry.
It’s in what you make possible.
Start there.
Lead with trust.
Go well this week,
MA :-)
Coaching on the Fly - Everyday moments. Lasting impact.
Coaching on the Fly
Everyday moments. Lasting impact.
Coaching doesn’t only happen in scheduled sessions with frameworks and flipcharts.
More often, it’s in the unscripted, in-between moments:
A check-in by the kettle.
A walk back from a meeting.
A quick chat in the corridor.
These moments—when we’re present, curious, and intentional—can shift thinking, unlock insight, and build trust.
It’s not about having all the answers.
It’s about asking the right question at the right time.
“What was going through your mind just then?”
“Want to unpack that a bit?”
“What did you do differently this time?”
“What’s one bold move you haven’t explored yet?”
These nudges support reflection without needing a sit-down.
They make learning part of the culture, not just the calendar.
So next time you're in the in-between, ask yourself:
Is this a moment for coaching?
Because two minutes can change everything.
MA :-)
Beyond Advice - When your worth starts riding on someone else’s results.
Beyond Advice
When your worth starts riding on someone else’s results.
It happens quietly.
You give guidance. Share your experience. Cheer them on.
You want them to succeed—of course you do.
But somewhere along the way, their wins start to feel like your validation.
And their struggles? Like a reflection on you.
The Weight We Carry
It sounds like:
“If they succeed, I’ve done well.”
“If they fail, I didn’t do enough.”
That’s a heavy (and false) story.
Signs it’s creeping in:
– Feeling responsible for their lack of progress
– Over-functioning to make sure they “get there”
– Sharing advice that’s more about your need to help than their need to grow
– Feeling deflated when things go off track
The Shift
Real leadership isn’t about owning the outcome.
It’s about walking alongside—grounded, present, and clear.
From pressure → to presence
“How can I support them to trust their own thinking?”
“Can I stay anchored in my purpose, not their pace?”
From fixing → to facilitating
“What strengths do they already have?”
“What feels right for them right now?”
From outcome → to ownership
“This is their journey. I’m here, not carrying—just walking beside.”
Your Worth ≠ Their Results
Leadership isn’t about delivering success through others.
It’s about creating space for others to grow.
So if you’re carrying someone else’s progress like it’s your own—pause. Breathe.
Offer presence, not pressure.
Support, not solutions.
Trust, not control.
You are not their transformation.
You are the steady hand, the quiet voice, the guide.
And that? That’s enough.
Keep showing up.
Keep growing.
Keep smiling.
MA :-)
Giving Feedback Without Fear “Will you still like me tomorrow?”
Giving Feedback Without Fear
“Will you still like me tomorrow?”
It’s the quiet question that often sits behind feedback conversations—especially when we care.
We don’t want to hurt feelings.
We don’t want to be seen as cold.
So we soften… sidestep… stay silent.
But holding back isn’t kindness.
It’s comfort.
Real feedback—clear, respectful, and rooted in care—is how we grow.
Why it Matters
Avoiding feedback creates false peace.
In the short term, it feels safe.
Over time, it breeds confusion, resentment, and mistrust.
Without feedback, people don’t know how they’re doing—or what’s expected.
And the longer we wait, the harder the conversation becomes.
How to Give Feedback That Lands
Anchor in care, not control
“I’m sharing this because I believe in you.”Be clear and kind
“I noticed [specific behaviour]—and I think it’s getting in the way of [outcome]. Let’s talk.”Focus on impact, not intent
“When that happened, here’s how it affected the team.”Leave room for response
“How does that land with you?”
“Is there anything I’ve missed?”Stay in relationship
Feedback isn’t about being right—it’s about being real and respectful.
Letting Go of the Fear
That little voice—“Will they still like me?”—may never fully go away.
But we can learn to hold it lightly.
Because when feedback comes from belief in someone’s potential, it deepens trust.
It says: I see you. I care enough to be honest. I believe you can grow.
So next time you hesitate, ask:
→ Is this about their comfort—or mine?
→ What does clarity and care look like here?
Feedback done well isn’t about being liked tomorrow.
It’s about who they’ll become because you chose courage today.
Let’s keep showing up with honesty, heart, and humanity.
Even when it’s uncomfortable—especially then.
Go with courage and compassion,
MA :-)