Leading with Gratitude: Appreciating the Human Effort Behind Success
Leading with Gratitude: Appreciating the Human Effort Behind Success
Last week, as I was leaving an organisation I had been working alongside, the lead said to me, "Thank you for always bringing joy into our space." I thanked him and quietly floated out the door. For me, this was an affirmation of a quality I had been leaning into over the past year, and to have this seen and recognised was not only affirming—it also made me want to do it more.
In a world that often measures success by productivity, efficiency, and performance, it’s easy to fall into the trap of equating our worth solely with what we do. We celebrate achievements, tick off tasks, and chase milestones—yet in doing so, we risk overlooking what truly matters: who we are. Our value isn’t determined only by our output, but by our character, our relationships, and the unique strengths we bring to every situation.
From Gaps to Gold: Celebrating Who We Are
For too long, personal development and leadership have been driven by a "what’s missing?" mindset. We analyse weaknesses, set goals to fill perceived gaps, and strive for continuous improvement. But what if we shifted our focus? Instead of concentrating on deficits, imagine celebrating the strengths that already exist within us.
Discovering Your Inner Gold
To lead with gratitude and authenticity, we can start by asking ourselves a few key questions:
What activities make you feel most alive?
Reflect on moments when you’re fully engaged—whether you’re immersed in a creative project, connecting with nature, or leading an inspiring team meeting. These experiences reveal the passions and strengths that energise you.
Which qualities do your friends, colleagues, and family admire in you?
Listen to the words of appreciation you receive. Are you recognised for your empathy, resilience, creativity, or leadership? These qualities are your inner gold.
How can you incorporate more of these strengths into your daily routine?
Look for ways to align your life with what makes you thrive. Whether it’s setting aside time for reflection or creating opportunities to let your unique energy shine, these actions reinforce who you are at your core.
Feedback That Fuels Growth
Recognising and naming strengths isn’t just about validation—it’s about empowerment. As leaders, colleagues, and friends, we uplift one another by seeing and celebrating who we are, not merely what we produce. Here’s how simple, strengths-based feedback can create a culture of genuine appreciation and growth:
Resilience and Composure:
"Your calm under pressure kept us on track."
Innovative Thinking:
"Your creative solutions made a real difference."
Empathy and Support:
"Your supportive approach builds strong team trust."
Integrity and Ethical Leadership:
"Your commitment to integrity keeps us true to our values."
These focused statements do more than affirm positive behaviours; they empower individuals to continue growing and stepping into their strengths.
So how might I begin?
First we may need to expand our understanding and vocabulary of character based strengths or virtues. This site provides a useful list of virtues that help build your understanding and vocabulary: Virtues for Life.
Then begin noticing qualities within yourself and those around you:
Set aside times in your day where you not only review the mahi you have accomplished, but the qualities you have shown as you have done the work. Cultivating your inner qualities not only transforms your own experience, it also illuminates the path for others.
Then begin to offer feedback to those around you on the qualities they have shown.
These are not time-consuming practices, but they do have a high positive impact.
One last word:
Often, recognising the strengths in others comes naturally—it’s easier to see their brilliance. But don’t forget to shine that same light on your own unique qualities.
Go well this week
Mary-Anne :-)
Leading Through Personal Crisis: Maintaining Authenticity and Strength
Leading Through Personal Crisis: Maintaining Authenticity and Strength
Life doesn’t wait for a convenient time to throw challenges our way. Whether it’s grief, illness, family struggles, or personal setbacks, we often find ourselves juggling deep emotional burdens while still needing to show up for our teams, colleagues, and responsibilities. The pressure to ‘hold it together’ can be immense, but true leadership isn’t about pretending everything is fine—it’s about navigating these moments with honesty, self-compassion, and courage.
Marianne Williamson reminds us, “A leader is one who holds a space for the brilliance of others while not diminishing their own light.” That means we can acknowledge our struggles without losing our strength. And as Brené Brown teaches, vulnerability is not weakness—it’s the foundation of real connection and trust. If you’re leading through a personal crisis, here’s how to stay anchored in authenticity and resilience.
1. Speak to Someone You Trust
During difficult times, it’s tempting to push through alone, fearing we’ll be seen as weak or incapable. But Liz Gilbert reminds us, “Embrace the glorious mess that you are.” Finding a trusted colleague, leader, or mentor to confide in can be a game-changer.
Being open doesn’t mean sharing every detail; it means giving enough context so others understand. A simple, “I’m going through something challenging at the moment, and I may need to adjust how I work for a while,” invites support rather than isolation.
If you’re in a leadership role, modelling this openness creates a ripple effect. When others see that being honest about struggles is not only allowed but respected, it fosters a culture of trust, psychological safety, and care.
2. Use the Circles of Control Model
When we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to focus on everything outside our control. The Circles of Control framework helps shift our energy:
Circle of Control: Your actions, boundaries, and self-care.
Circle of Influence: What you can impact but not directly control (team culture, workplace flexibility).
Circle of Concern: External factors you can’t change (other people’s reactions, larger systemic issues).
If you catch yourself spiralling into frustration or anxiety, ask: Am I focusing on what I can control, or am I getting stuck in what I can’t? Redirecting your energy to actionable steps—like adjusting your workload, setting clear boundaries, or asking for help—creates a sense of steadiness amidst uncertainty.
3. Find the Gift in the Grit
Hardship can feel meaningless when we’re in the thick of it, but Brené Brown encourages us to shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What is this teaching me?”
Similarly, Liz Gilbert writes about resilience as a muscle we build through life’s challenges. Instead of getting lost in the difficulty, try asking:
What strengths am I developing through this?
How can this experience make me a more empathetic and grounded leader?
What small steps can I take to move forward with grace?
This doesn’t mean minimising pain or pretending everything is fine. It means allowing yourself to sit with the struggle while also seeking its deeper lessons.
4. Adjust, Don’t Abandon, Your Well-being
Under stress, self-care is often the first thing we let go. But as Marianne Williamson says, “When you honour yourself, you honour everyone.” Prioritising small, consistent acts of self-care helps sustain your energy:
Ensuring rest, hydration, and nourishment.
Taking mindful breaks, even if just a short walk outside.
Keeping personal routines that ground you, even if adapted.
Self-care also means knowing when to pause. If you need to delegate, do it. If you need a break, take it. Strength isn’t about pushing through exhaustion—it’s about knowing when to rest and reset.
Leading Through Hard Times
True leadership isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence. When life gets hard, the best thing you can do is lead yourself with the same compassion and wisdom you offer others. Speak to someone you trust, focus on what’s within your control, and seek the hidden gifts within the challenge.
You don’t have to carry it all alone.
Arohanui,
Mary-Anne
Beating the Blame-Game at work
Beating the Blame-Game at work
Blame is like a quicksand trap in the workplace—it feels easier to point fingers than to take responsibility, but in the long run, it drags everyone down. Whether it’s blaming leadership for unclear direction, colleagues for dropping the ball, or even external factors like budget cuts, the blame game keeps teams stuck in cycles of frustration and disengagement.
If we want to create thriving, accountable workplaces, we need to step away from blame and into curiosity, courage, and personal responsibility. This isn’t just about being ‘nice’—it’s about being effective. As Brené Brown says, “Blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain.” It gives us a temporary sense of relief but does nothing to solve the actual problem. Cy Wakeman takes it further, arguing that blame and drama rob workplaces of productivity and engagement. She calls it ‘emotional waste’—and let’s be honest, none of us need more of that.
So how do we stop the blame game and start getting results?
1. Own Your Part
It’s tempting to think the problem is out there—bad leadership, slow colleagues, or unfair policies. But Cy Wakeman challenges us to ask: What can I do to add value, regardless of the circumstances? Instead of waiting for others to change, focus on what you can influence. This shift from ‘victim’ to ‘problem solver’ boosts your confidence and effectiveness.
A practical way to start? Try reframing frustrations into action-oriented questions:
Instead of “Why didn’t they give us more notice?” → “What can I do to get clarity earlier next time?”
Instead of “Why is leadership always out of touch?” → “What feedback could I offer that might help bridge the gap?”
2. Get Curious, Not Defensive
Blame thrives when we assume we already know who’s at fault. But Brené Brown reminds us that the antidote to blame is curiosity. Next time frustration bubbles up, pause and ask:
What else might be going on here?
What’s my role in this?
What conversation needs to happen?
By replacing blame with curiosity, we open up space for understanding and problem-solving instead of fuelling workplace drama.
3. Call It When You See It
Blame can become a workplace habit. If you notice a ‘blame storm’ starting, try a gentle but firm redirection:
“I hear the frustration—how can we move forward?”
“What’s the best way to solve this together?”
“Let’s focus on what we can control.”
When leaders model this, it sets the tone for a blame-free culture. Instead of pointing fingers, the team learns to pivot toward solutions.
4. Build Psychological Safety
Blame often comes from fear—fear of failure, judgment, or not being good enough. Brené Brown’s research shows that psychological safety (the belief that you can take risks and be vulnerable without punishment) is essential for high-performing teams. Creating a culture where mistakes are seen as learning opportunities, not ammunition, builds trust and accountability.
The Bottom Line
The blame game wastes time, energy, and goodwill. By shifting from blame to ownership, curiosity, and problem-solving, we create workplaces where people feel empowered, not stuck. Next time frustration hits, pause. Ask yourself: Am I adding to the problem or the solution? That small shift can change everything.
Arohanui,
Mary-Anne
Beyond Buzzwords: Building a Culture That Cares
Beyond Buzzwords: Building a Culture That Cares
If you’ve been part of any team, organisation, or workplace, chances are you’ve heard phrases like “collaborative culture,” “growth mindset,” or “innovative leadership.” They sound great, don’t they? But too often, these words end up as empty slogans—things we say but don’t always do.
Here’s the truth: culture isn’t built on buzzwords. It’s built on people. It’s built on how we show up for each other, the trust we create, and the mahi we do together. A culture that truly cares doesn’t just tick boxes—it makes people feel seen, supported, and inspired to give their best.
So how do we move from buzzwords to a culture that genuinely cares? Let’s explore.
1. Start With Real Conversations
Care starts with listening. Ask yourself: Do I really understand what my team needs? Take time to create spaces for open, honest kōrero. Whether it’s a one-on-one chat, a quick team check-in, or an anonymous survey, the key is to listen without judgement.
When people feel heard, they feel valued. That’s where trust begins, and it’s the foundation for everything else.
2. Build Psychological Safety
A culture of care is only possible when people feel safe—safe to share ideas, take risks, and even admit mistakes without fear of judgement. Timothy R. Clarke’s Four Stages of Psychological Safety is a powerful guide for leaders:
Inclusion Safety – Make sure everyone feels they belong and are respected for who they are. Whanaungatanga is key here—building a sense of belonging that goes beyond roles or titles.
Learner Safety – Encourage curiosity and learning. Make it okay to ask questions, seek feedback, and even fail as part of growth.
Contributor Safety – Empower your team to share their ideas and skills freely. Celebrate diverse thinking and create space for collaboration.
Challenger Safety – Create an environment where people feel confident to question the status quo or offer new solutions. Respectful challenge is often where the best ideas come from.
By embedding these stages into your daily practices, you create a space where people feel safe, valued, and supported to do their best work.
3. Live Your Values
Every organisation has values, but they only matter when they’re lived out. A culture that cares aligns its actions with its values—every day, in big and small ways.
For example, if your organisation values manaakitanga, how are you showing that through your leadership? Are you supporting your team during busy times or tough challenges? If whanaungatanga is a priority, are you making time for connection and meaningful interactions?
Care is visible. It’s felt in the way we act, not just the words we say.
4. Celebrate the Small Wins
Culture isn’t built in one giant leap. It’s built through small, consistent actions that reflect care and support. Celebrate those moments. Whether it’s a team member stepping up to help during a tight deadline or someone showing resilience through a tough day, acknowledge the effort.
These small wins add up. Over time, they create a culture where people feel appreciated and motivated to contribute.
5. Lead By Example
As a leader, you set the tone for your team. If you want a culture that cares, you need to model the behaviours you hope to see.
Show vulnerability by admitting when you don’t have all the answers. Prioritise your own well-being and encourage your team to do the same. Be open to feedback and demonstrate how to give it constructively.
Your actions speak louder than words. A leader who cares inspires others to care too.
6. Build Trust Through Mahi
Stephen M. R. Covey’s The Speed of Trust reminds us that trust is built through two things: character and competence. It’s not enough to care—you also need to deliver on your promises.
One of the best ways to build trust is through the mahi you do together. Shared work creates shared understanding. It shows your team that you’re there to support them, not just to delegate.
This might mean rolling up your sleeves during a busy period, collaborating on a challenging project, or stepping in when someone needs extra help. Trust grows when people see that you not only care about them but also follow through on your commitments.
And as Covey points out, trust makes everything faster and easier. It reduces friction, increases collaboration, and creates a team that feels like a real whānau.
7. Reflect, Adjust, and Evolve
A culture of care isn’t static—it grows and adapts with your team. Regularly reflect on what’s working and what isn’t. Involve your team in shaping the way forward and be open to change.
Remember, care is a journey, not a destination.
So next time you hear a fancy buzzword, pause and ask: How can I show my team that I care? That’s where the real work begins.
Arohanui,
Mary-Anne
Stepping into Expansion: A Journey of Growth
Stepping into Expansion: A Journey of Growth
Sometimes, life feels comfortable, even predictable. We settle into the familiar routines, the safe choices, the known paths. It’s warm, secure—but if we’re honest, it can also feel a little too small.
Recently, I’ve been reflecting on growth and what it means to truly expand. Not just in what we achieve, but in how we see the world, the opportunities we embrace, and the connections we cultivate. Growth isn’t always about doing more; sometimes, it’s about thinking bigger, stepping beyond the safe and known.
For me, this realisation began when I noticed how narrow my vision had become. I was focusing on the tasks directly in front of me—what needed to be done today, this week, this term. It was efficient but limiting, like looking at life through a keyhole. I realised I needed to widen my perspective, to ask, What else is possible? What haven’t I considered yet?
Expansion often means letting go of something. Closing some doors to allow others to open. This isn’t easy—those closed doors often represent effort, investment, or comfort. But growth requires space, and sometimes that space only comes when we release what no longer serves us.
It also means seeking out collaboration and connection. Growth doesn’t happen in isolation. When we work with others, we gain fresh perspectives, new ideas, and opportunities we might never have imagined on our own. I’ve found some of my most meaningful growth moments through unexpected partnerships—when someone’s different way of seeing the world challenged me to think bigger.
There’s also an element of bravery in expansion. It’s not just about opening up to possibilities; it’s about stepping into them, even when they feel uncertain or uncomfortable. That’s where the real growth happens—when we stretch beyond what feels safe and familiar and trust that the leap will be worth it.
This journey of expansion has taught me to regularly check in with myself: Is my vision shrinking? If I catch myself settling too firmly into the known, I ask: How can I widen my view? What opportunities am I not seeing? Where can I invite growth and collaboration into my life?
Expansion doesn’t mean rushing or forcing—it’s about allowing. Allowing yourself to dream a little bigger, to step through new doors, to explore what lies beyond the edges of your comfort zone.
If growth is calling you, take a moment to pause and look around. Notice where your vision has narrowed, and ask yourself: What could I see if I opened my mind and heart a little wider? Growth is waiting—it’s up to us to step into it.
Arohanui,
Mary-Anne