Beyond Advice - When your worth starts riding on someone else’s results.

Beyond Advice
When your worth starts riding on someone else’s results.

It happens quietly.
You give guidance. Share your experience. Cheer them on.
You want them to succeed—of course you do.
But somewhere along the way, their wins start to feel like your validation.
And their struggles? Like a reflection on you.

The Weight We Carry

It sounds like:
“If they succeed, I’ve done well.”
“If they fail, I didn’t do enough.”
That’s a heavy (and false) story.

Signs it’s creeping in:
– Feeling responsible for their lack of progress
– Over-functioning to make sure they “get there”
– Sharing advice that’s more about your need to help than their need to grow
– Feeling deflated when things go off track

The Shift

Real leadership isn’t about owning the outcome.
It’s about walking alongside—grounded, present, and clear.

From pressure → to presence

• “How can I support them to trust their own thinking?”

• “Can I stay anchored in my purpose, not their pace?”

From fixing → to facilitating

• “What strengths do they already have?”

• “What feels right for them right now?”
  
  

From outcome → to ownership

• “This is their journey. I’m here, not carrying—just walking beside.”

Your Worth ≠ Their Results

Leadership isn’t about delivering success through others.
It’s about creating space for others to grow.

So if you’re carrying someone else’s progress like it’s your own—pause. Breathe.
Offer presence, not pressure.
Support, not solutions.
Trust, not control.

You are not their transformation.
You are the steady hand, the quiet voice, the guide.

And that? That’s enough.

Keep showing up.
Keep growing.
 

Keep smiling.
MA :-)

Giving Feedback Without Fear “Will you still like me tomorrow?”

Giving Feedback Without Fear
“Will you still like me tomorrow?”

It’s the quiet question that often sits behind feedback conversations—especially when we care.

We don’t want to hurt feelings.
We don’t want to be seen as cold.
So we soften… sidestep… stay silent.

But holding back isn’t kindness.
It’s comfort.

Real feedback—clear, respectful, and rooted in care—is how we grow.

Why it Matters

Avoiding feedback creates false peace.
In the short term, it feels safe.
Over time, it breeds confusion, resentment, and mistrust.

Without feedback, people don’t know how they’re doing—or what’s expected.
And the longer we wait, the harder the conversation becomes.

How to Give Feedback That Lands

• Anchor in care, not control
  “I’m sharing this because I believe in you.”
  
  

• Be clear and kind
  “I noticed [specific behaviour]—and I think it’s getting in the way of [outcome]. Let’s talk.”
  
  

• Focus on impact, not intent
  “When that happened, here’s how it affected the team.”
  
  

• Leave room for response
  “How does that land with you?”
  “Is there anything I’ve missed?”
  
  

• Stay in relationship
  Feedback isn’t about being right—it’s about being real and respectful.

Letting Go of the Fear

That little voice—“Will they still like me?”—may never fully go away.
But we can learn to hold it lightly.

Because when feedback comes from belief in someone’s potential, it deepens trust.
It says: I see you. I care enough to be honest. I believe you can grow.

So next time you hesitate, ask:
→ Is this about their comfort—or mine?
→ What does clarity and care look like here?

Feedback done well isn’t about being liked tomorrow.
It’s about who they’ll become because you chose courage today.

Let’s keep showing up with honesty, heart, and humanity.
Even when it’s uncomfortable—especially then.

Go with courage and compassion,
MA :-)

Breaking the Busyness Cycle. When your worth feels tied to rescuing others

Breaking the Busyness Cycle. When your worth feels tied to rescuing others

When Sarah stepped into leadership, she was known for being helpful, reliable, and always available.
Need a last-minute fix? She was there.
Someone struggling? She stepped in.
Team running behind? She stayed late.

From the outside, it looked like commitment.
On the inside, she was exhausted.

The Hidden Pattern

Sarah took on tasks that weren’t hers.
Apologised for setting boundaries.
Joined meetings she didn’t need to be in.
All driven by a quiet belief:
“If I’m not fixing this, I’m not adding value.”

Her self-worth had quietly become tied to her busyness.
And the more she rescued, the more the cycle reinforced itself.

The Shift

In a coaching conversation, I asked:
“What might happen if you didn’t step in?”

It was uncomfortable. She feared letting people down.
But she gave it a go—with small shifts:

 🔸 “Is this mine to do?”
🔸 “Am I helping—or holding someone back?”
🔸 “What does support look like, without doing it all myself?”

From Rescuing to Empowering

Here’s what Sarah practised:

Pause before jumping in
→ “What do you need from me?”
→ “What have you already tried?”

Redefine the role
From fixer to facilitator. From solving problems to building problem-solvers.

Challenge the story
→ “I don’t need to be busy to be valuable.”
→ “My value is in the space and clarity I create—for others and for myself.”

The Impact

Slowly, things changed.
Her team stepped up.
Her time became more focused.
Her energy came back.

She didn’t care less. She just stopped proving her worth through overdoing.

The Takeaway

The busyness cycle is sneaky—especially when we care.
But leadership isn’t about doing it all.
It’s about knowing when to lean in, and when to let go.

So if you feel stuck in fix-it mode, ask:
“What might happen if I didn’t jump in this time?”

You might just find that stepping back is the boldest move forward.

Go well this week,
MA :-)

The Mini-Me Trap - Mentoring isn’t about making a copy.

The Mini-Me Trap
Mentoring isn’t about making a copy.

It starts with good intentions.
You’re mentoring someone new.
You want to help—so you share what’s worked for you.

Your systems. Your shortcuts. Your way.

And before you know it…
They’re thinking and acting just like you.

That’s the Mini-Me Trap.
Helpful? Sometimes.
But growth doesn’t come from cloning.

It comes from creating space—for thinking, experimenting, and building confidence in their way.

We don’t need copies.
We need diverse, capable contributors who bring their own strengths to the table.

So how do we avoid the trap?

Mentoring = Offering a map
“Here’s what worked for me, and why.”
It builds clarity and trust—great for getting started.

Coaching = Helping them build their own map
“What matters most to you here?”
“How might you approach it?”
It centres their thinking, and supports lasting growth.

Try this simple shift:

• Mentor first:
  “Would it help if I shared how I approached something similar?”
  “One thing I’ve learned is…”
  

• Then coach:
  “What have you already considered?”
  “What outcome are you aiming for?”
  “What’s one next step you could try?”

These aren’t just questions.
They’re invitations—to think, to own, to grow.

Because the goal was never to create a Mini-Me.
It’s to grow someone into a strong, clear, confident version of themselves.

So next time you’re mentoring, pause and ask:
Am I handing over my map—or helping them draw theirs?

Let’s keep growing strong thinkers—not just good followers.
And let’s grow alongside them.

Go well this week,
MA :-)

Turning Resistance into Reflection - How to coach when people push back

Turning Resistance into Reflection
How to coach when people push back

Every leader’s been there.
You offer support, a new idea, a shift worth exploring…
…and get folded arms, “I’ve tried that,” or quiet nods with no follow-through.

It’s easy to get discouraged—or double down, hoping more explanation will help.
But what if resistance isn’t defiance?
What if it’s data?

Behind most pushback is something deeper:
→ A value that feels threatened
→ A past experience still lingering
→ A belief about how things should be
→ Or fear—of failure, exposure, or not being enough

When we meet resistance with curiosity, not control, we invite reflection.
And that’s where growth begins.

What helps in the moment:

• Listen beneath the surface
  “This won’t work” often means “I’m not sure I can.”
  Try:
  → “Can you tell me more about that?”
  → “What’s your past experience been like?”
  → “What might make this feel doable?”
  
  

• Normalise discomfort
  Change is messy. Feeling unsure doesn’t mean failing.
  → “It’s okay to wobble. Let’s find one small step together.”
  
  

• Look for the wisdom in the resistance
  Pushback often protects something important—like identity, autonomy, or care.
  Can we honour that, while gently inviting a shift?
  
  

• Shift from telling to teaming
  Not “Here’s what you should do,” but:
  → “What could this look like together?”
  → “How might we adapt this for your space?”
  
  

• Celebrate what’s already working
  Even small wins matter. Acknowledge them.
  Sometimes the courage to try starts with being seen.

The heart of it:

Pushback doesn’t mean they won’t.
It just means they’re not ready yet.
And our job isn’t to force readiness—it’s to hold space for it.

To coach with empathy.
To trust the slow work of change.
And to believe that resistance, with time and care, can become reflection.

Let’s keep learning, together.
That’s where the real magic lives.

Go well this week,
MA :-)