When Trust Starts to Feel One-Sided — Holding Care and Accountability Together

When Trust Starts to Feel One-Sided — Holding Care and Accountability Together

Trust is like oxygen — invisible, vital, and easy to take for granted until it’s gone. As leaders, we often go the extra mile to create high-trust cultures. We offer grace, space, and flexibility. But what happens when that generosity starts to be taken for granted?

There’s a tipping point where trust starts to feel more like entitlement. Deadlines slip. Standards soften. And resentment — that quiet saboteur — starts to build.

This isn’t a moment for harshness, but for honesty. Clarity and care aren’t opposites — they’re partners. When expectations are clear, follow-through can thrive. Without them, even well-meaning people lose their way.

Brené Brown’s work on trust and boundaries reminds us that clear is kind — and that ambiguity creates disconnection. Her research highlights that trust isn’t built in grand gestures, but in micro-moments of integrity, reliability, and accountability. When we uphold expectations, we uphold dignity.

The kindest move is often a recalibration. “I’ve noticed a few things slipping — what’s going on?” opens the door for kōrero. So does reflecting on the impact, not just the intent. Flexibility only works when it’s balanced with responsibility.

Leadership Check-in:
What expectation or boundary could you re-clarify this week to reset the balance of trust and accountability?

Go with courage,
Mary-Anne

When the Decision Doesn’t Go Your Way — Leading with Grace and Grit

When the Decision Doesn’t Go Your Way — Leading with Grace and Grit

It’s not hard to lead when everything lines up with your thinking.
The real test comes when it doesn’t.

Like being handed the oars for a journey you didn’t chart — and still being expected to steer with purpose. That’s when grace and grit matter most.

Some of the toughest moments in leadership come when a decision is made that you don’t agree with. You’ve contributed your whakaaro. You’ve voiced your concerns. But once the decision is made, your role shifts — from debate to delivery. And your team? They’re watching. Not for perfection, but for presence.

This is where mature leadership shows up — not in the winning of the argument, but in the strength to align, support, and carry forward with integrity.

You might say something like:

“There were different perspectives in the room, and we had the chance to work through those. Now that a decision’s been made, we’re backing it as a team — and I’m here to support us to move forward together.”

It doesn’t give away your personal stance. But it signals something bigger: unity, steadiness, and mana.

Of course, it’s normal to feel the sting when your view wasn’t the one that carried. Taking a moment to process — with a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach — can help ground you. And then, it’s about the pivot: from reaction to response. Because passive resistance erodes trust. But grounded alignment builds it.

Angela Duckworth’s work on grit reminds us that resilience isn’t just about bouncing back — it’s about sticking with what matters most over time. Grit means leading with commitment, even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. And when you lead like that, you create the kind of culture where others feel safe to stay with the kaupapa too — even when the wind shifts.

So if you find yourself on the other side of a decision this week, take a breath. Anchor back to your purpose. Lead with clarity, care, and consistency.

That’s mana in motion.

A Question to Sit With:
What’s one thing you can say — or model — this week that shows steady, values-based leadership, even when the decision wasn’t your own?

Go with mana,
Mary-Anne

The Delegation Dilemma

The Delegation Dilemma

You’ve planned your week. Prioritised. Blocked time for deep work.
And yet… you’re still buried.
Still in the weeds.
Still the go-to when things go sideways.

What’s going on?
Chances are—you’re not really delegating.
Not fully. Not effectively.

The Doing-It-All Trap

You care. You’re capable.
And honestly—it feels quicker to just do it yourself.

But the cost?

•  Less time for strategy

• Constant reactivity

•  Missed growth for your team

What Delegation Isn’t

✘ Dumping tasks without context
✘ Hoping for the best
✘ Hovering “just in case”

What Delegation Is

Clear: “Here’s the outcome—and why it matters.”
Supportive: “What do you need to feel confident?”
Imperfect: “Done and learning beats perfect and stuck.”
Connected: “Let’s check in—what would be helpful to cover?”

The Mindset Shift

Leadership isn’t about doing more.
It’s about creating the conditions for others to thrive.

That means stepping back—even when you could step in.
Trusting. Releasing. Creating space.

Ask Yourself:

→  Am I actually delegating—or just redistributing?
→  What am I holding that someone else could grow through?
→  What would happen if I trusted more—and held on less?

Your value isn’t in how much you carry.
It’s in what you make possible.

Start there.
Lead with trust.

Go well this week,
MA :-)

Coaching on the Fly - Everyday moments. Lasting impact.

Coaching on the Fly
Everyday moments. Lasting impact.

Coaching doesn’t only happen in scheduled sessions with frameworks and flipcharts.
More often, it’s in the unscripted, in-between moments:

•  A check-in by the kettle.

•  A walk back from a meeting.

•  A quick chat in the corridor.

These moments—when we’re present, curious, and intentional—can shift thinking, unlock insight, and build trust.

It’s not about having all the answers.
It’s about asking the right question at the right time.

• “What was going through your mind just then?”

• “Want to unpack that a bit?”

• “What did you do differently this time?”

• “What’s one bold move you haven’t explored yet?”

These nudges support reflection without needing a sit-down.
They make learning part of the culture, not just the calendar.

So next time you're in the in-between, ask yourself:
Is this a moment for coaching?

Because two minutes can change everything.

MA :-)

Beyond Advice - When your worth starts riding on someone else’s results.

Beyond Advice
When your worth starts riding on someone else’s results.

It happens quietly.
You give guidance. Share your experience. Cheer them on.
You want them to succeed—of course you do.
But somewhere along the way, their wins start to feel like your validation.
And their struggles? Like a reflection on you.

The Weight We Carry

It sounds like:
“If they succeed, I’ve done well.”
“If they fail, I didn’t do enough.”
That’s a heavy (and false) story.

Signs it’s creeping in:
– Feeling responsible for their lack of progress
– Over-functioning to make sure they “get there”
– Sharing advice that’s more about your need to help than their need to grow
– Feeling deflated when things go off track

The Shift

Real leadership isn’t about owning the outcome.
It’s about walking alongside—grounded, present, and clear.

From pressure → to presence

• “How can I support them to trust their own thinking?”

• “Can I stay anchored in my purpose, not their pace?”

From fixing → to facilitating

• “What strengths do they already have?”

• “What feels right for them right now?”
  
  

From outcome → to ownership

• “This is their journey. I’m here, not carrying—just walking beside.”

Your Worth ≠ Their Results

Leadership isn’t about delivering success through others.
It’s about creating space for others to grow.

So if you’re carrying someone else’s progress like it’s your own—pause. Breathe.
Offer presence, not pressure.
Support, not solutions.
Trust, not control.

You are not their transformation.
You are the steady hand, the quiet voice, the guide.

And that? That’s enough.

Keep showing up.
Keep growing.
 

Keep smiling.
MA :-)