Is your child struggling to make friends? How SEI skills can help.
Mary-Anne Murphy
Making friends is not something that comes naturally to all children.
It’s hard to see your child being left out and not included, but it doesn’t mean your child isn’t likeable, has anything wrong with them or doesn’t get invited to events because of their personality.
It just means that they need some help building social skills. Social-emotional intelligence (SEI) is a toolkit that can help.
Skills kids need to make friends
Making and keeping friends is a skill. Even kids who are shy or who are struggling with impulse behavioural issues and things like delayed speech or ADHD can make friends. SEI provides children with a tangible framework they can use in everyday situations to help them make friends.
Such as:
How to pick up on and respond to social cues
How to listen attentively to others so they can understand what is being said
How to share and take turns
How to start a conversation
How to disagree appropriately
How to label their emotions to effectively communicate their feelings.
With a bit of encouragement and validation, every child can find the confidence to use their new tools and start practising their friendship skills.
Why do some kids struggle to make friends?
Sometimes children struggle to make friends simply because they haven’t met another child they feel that they can connect with.
It could also be that a child has had a negative experience or two and now feels too anxious or nervous to be the first one to reach out. Some children get as far as starting a conversation but might not know how to keep one going. They sometimes personalise responses from other kids that might not be familiar to them.
For example, if they say hello to a child but the other child doesn’t say anything back. They might feel as if they have done something wrong, not knowing that the other child might have a hearing disability and simply didn’t hear them.
Basic communication and language skills become a bigger barrier if kids don’t know how to navigate through them.
This is something that SEI is perfect for, it helps kids be more confident with their friendship-making skills and gives them tools to explore different dynamics and be brave in new situations.
"A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees." Amelia Earhart
Is it normal for my child to not have friends?
Every parent wishes for their child to be socially adept, happy and curious, open to finding a commonality with anyone.
But in real life, kids can be shy and nervous, feel overwhelmed and overstimulated and become reluctant to work their way through their hesitations. If they haven’t had much experience socially, they might not have a reference to draw from.
This is why developing good SEI skills can have a hugely positive impact on your child's overall social well-being and happiness.
SEI skills that can help your child make friends
These are just some of the social-emotional skills that can help your child make and keep friends.
Empathy
Helps kids connect emotionally
Interpersonal skills
Helps kids to establish social awareness
Assertiveness
Helps kids to communicate feelings and set boundaries
Conflict resolution
Helps kids to develop confident problem-solving solutions
It will help them to:
Better understand themselves and others
Have the courage to persevere even if it doesn’t go right the first time
Learn how to invite other children to join them
Have the confidence to accept an invitation from others.
Friendships need a good level of social and emotional competence to thrive and social-emotional learning skills can help children to develop these concepts in their younger years, setting them up to be well-rounded, happy adults.
As caregivers, we can answer the call for compassion. For us to bring the heart back into our humanity. It starts with us, and our children will lead the way.
If you would like to know more about how to support your child or students access these skills, get in touch with us, we would love to hear from you.
Work with Us
Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.
Let’s work together.