Emotional Intelligence Mary-Anne Murphy Emotional Intelligence Mary-Anne Murphy

The Pandemic’s Impact On Social-Emotional Well-Being In Youth

The impact that the pandemic had on the social-emotional well-being of young people is profound. Many people were isolated for long periods and this meant missing out on vital opportunities to develop social skills, especially in children.

Adults talk about how difficult it was to return to work and social situations and many people battled the reverse shock of lockdown as we navigated our way back to the new normal. The toll it has taken on our youth is significant and far-reaching. 

The stress and uncertainty during the pandemic, the increased screen time, changes to routine, exercise, diet, sleep and forced isolation corroded core interpersonal skills and the struggle to pick them up where they left off is real.

Our kids need us in their corner more than ever, so how can we help them?

Mary-Anne Murphy

The impact that the pandemic had on the social-emotional well-being of young people is profound. Many people were isolated for long periods and this meant missing out on vital opportunities to develop social skills, especially in children.

Adults talk about how difficult it was to return to work and social situations and many people battled the reverse shock of lockdown as we navigated our way back to the new normal. The toll it has taken on our youth is significant and far-reaching. 

The stress and uncertainty during the pandemic, the increased screen time, changes to routine, exercise, diet, sleep and forced isolation corroded core interpersonal skills and the struggle to pick them up where they left off is real.

Our kids need us in their corner more than ever, so how can we help them?


Growing up in lockdown

“During the pandemic, children had to change the way they learn, play and socialise, all the while living in an environment of widespread uncertainty and anxiety.” Dr Dumuid, UniSA

Children are like trees. When they are seeds they need to be nourished in a warm environment as they find their roots, growing in a small pot. When the tree gets too big for the seed pot, it needs to be moved to a bigger pot, perhaps with a stake to help guide the trunk as it grows tall. 

Eventually, it will be planted out into the ground, with strong roots and a long straight trunk, ready to deepen its roots and branch out on its own.

Some children who grew up in lockdown have become seeds in pots that were never planted in the ground. 

Their root system is tightly compacted and hasn’t been given the space to develop and grow. The trunk is thin and underdeveloped, and the tree's growth is stunted. 

The root system missed a vital growth phase and while it can be planted in the ground, is going to need extra care and guidance to flourish.


Social Emotional Wellbeing in Youth

Even years later, the pandemic continues to impact young people.

“Mental Health (Anxiety, Depression, Stress) remained the main issue New Zealand youth were faced with, Social Media was the second top issue.  In-person counselling and phone helplines played a pivotal role in supporting our youth.  COVID-19 had a profound effect on how young people felt about themselves and the world around them, and a range of issues rose to the fore. Rainbow youth had a heightened response to the pandemic.”  State of the Generation Youthline report, July 2023

Young people who went through the pandemic are still struggling with social anxiety, higher levels of depression and behavioural difficulties. With a global recession following the pandemic and rising costs of living teens and students are starting to have bigger worries about their future.

Help your teens get their social groove back by limiting their screen time with a digital detox. 

Get them out of their rooms and go on outings. Encourage them to try a new hobby, or do something creative that interests them like an art class where they can get out and meet new people who are interested in the same things. 

Take it slow and don’t force the issue, but don’t ignore it because it is too hard or they just want to stay in their rooms.

Tips on Restoring Social Skills

Good interpersonal relationships are built from face-to-face interactions. Lots of young people feel like they lost some of their social skills during the pandemic. It quickly became a way of life to rely on digital messaging and lots of kids are struggling with the return to social interactions. 

Here are some tips that can help everyone to restore those social skills.

  1. Greet people, and get into the habit of saying hello as you pass other people, they might feel just as awkward as you

  2. Make a point of looking people in the eye when you introduce yourself and the person with you

  3. Start conversations, about anything, don’t overthink it. It gets easier each time and soon it will feel more natural - practice makes perfect.

  4. Pick neutral topics to get the conversation started, such as the weather, or the other person's dog.

  5. Don’t give up, even if talking to people feels uncomfortable.


Being social is a skill. You can help your child get back into practice and feel more comfortable seeing people face-to-face or being in a group. 


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Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.

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Emotional Intelligence Mary-Anne Murphy Emotional Intelligence Mary-Anne Murphy

How EI is the secret sauce of leadership

Emotional Intelligence is the undisputed secret sauce of the greatest leaders. Just like adding chocolate sauce to an ice cream transforms plain vanilla ice cream into something extra special. 

EI (Emotional Intelligence) is exactly that. It is the set of skills that can catapult managers into the stratosphere, turning them into change-makers and leaders.

So what exactly is this secret sauce? 

Mary-Anne Murphy

Emotional Intelligence is the undisputed secret sauce of the greatest leaders. Just like adding chocolate sauce to an ice cream transforms plain vanilla ice cream into something extra special. 

EI (Emotional Intelligence) is exactly that. It is the set of skills that can catapult managers into the stratosphere, turning them into change-makers and leaders.

So what exactly is this secret sauce? 

EI is a framework of skills, a toolkit, that helps leaders realise their ultimate potential through a lens of deep empathy, self-awareness and empowerment that far outweighs any traditional leadership knowledge base.

“(IQ & TQ) x EQ = Leadership Potential. Leadership potential is the product of cognitive intelligence (IQ) and technical skills (TQ) and is maximised by high emotional intelligence or EQ.” Dr Martyn Newman, RocheMartin


Social-emotional agility

If we look at the tennis player, Roger Federer, he is a prime example of how someone uses their emotional agility to their advantage. His vast technical knowledge and level of skill in the field of tennis is undeniable.

Armed with natural talent, combined with a good education, intellect and the very best tennis coaching, he is very easily in a class of his own. 

But possessing an impressive level of TQ  (technical skill) is by and large not the only thing that sets him apart. It’s his emotional agility and high level of EI that have directly contributed to him being one of the best tennis players in history.

His heightened level of self-awareness and adaptability along with his ability to control his emotions through an exceptional level of self-management, means he can get the best out of himself under pressure, using his social-emotional agility to create the outcome he wants.

IQ vs EQ

59% of hiring managers said they wouldn’t employ someone with a high IQ and low EI.

71% of employers say they value Emotional Intelligence over IQ. CareerBuilder Survey, 2011.

Think about the most recent job interview you have been in and what kind of questions they asked you. You might have had more questions about problem-solving and how you approached difficult situations or challenging personalities than questions about the actual technical skills required to do the job. 

While technical knowledge, experience and expertise are an important part of specific roles, being able to work effectively as part of a diverse team is becoming critically important.

Companies know that they can teach people the skills they need to do a job, so they favour hiring someone with a higher EQ over someone with a higher IQ.

Building Confidence in Leadership with EI

Confidence is plain and simply a learned skill. 

Confident people trust their intuition, rely on their internal framework, and lean into it as a resource. It helps them make decisions, take initiative, assert themselves with clarity and communicate boundaries. 

They’re in tune with a high level of self-awareness, can understand and regulate their emotions but above all else, have a strong bond of trust within themselves. 

“You can’t lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.” John Peers, CEO & Chairman at Lightfleet

It will be impossible to lead a team to the next level if leaders are riddled with self-doubt, can’t have difficult conversations without regulating their emotions or cannot create and communicate boundaries with difficult people. 

EI skills are a sought-after and valuable asset for anyone in a leadership role and it’s never too late to develop them.


Work with Us

Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.

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Importance of social-emotional capability development for teams

Diversity in practice means that leaders work with a wide range of personalities, temperaments and people of all ages from every type of background. It’s no longer just strength in numbers, there’s demonstrated evidence that diversity brings resilience and perspective to teams.

Which makes social-emotional intelligence skills a critical element for all leadership and team capability development.

Mary-Anne Murphy

Diversity in practice means that leaders work with a wide range of personalities, temperaments and people of all ages from every type of background. It’s no longer just strength in numbers, there’s demonstrated evidence that diversity brings resilience and perspective to teams.

Which makes social-emotional intelligence skills a critical element for all leadership and team capability development.

“Today’s best companies get it. They’re generating every form of value that matters: emotional, experiential, social, and financial. And they’re doing it for all their stakeholders. Not because it’s politically correct, but because it’s the only path to long-term competitive advantage.

Companies that people love doing business with, partnering with, working for and investing in. For them, loyalty isn’t just real, it’s palpable, and driving unbeatable advantages in everything from marketing to recruitment.” Firms of Endearment - Raj Sisodia, David B. Wolfe, Jagdish N. Sheth.


Emotional Intelligence for Leadership

Traditional leadership development training had previously focused on modules such as strategic analysis and knowledge-based capability, which left leaders falling short when it came down to the heart of any leadership role.

Emotional intelligence or EQ, once perceived as a set of optional soft skills, is now respected as a strategic toolkit at the core of leadership development. With teams more diverse than ever, the skills required to maximise growth and help teams reach their fullest potential can no longer be learned simply as a knowledge-based curriculum. 



Social-emotional intelligence and DEI

The arrival of diversity, equity and inclusion or DEI (Diversity, Equity, Inclusion) policies have rapidly evolved. Initially, as a politically correct metric, one of those paper-only KPIs to keep the stakeholders signing on the dotted line. 

But the balance quickly shifted. 

Companies that really wanted to lead change needed to attract the best talent and align themselves with policies that lived and breathed their values through their people.

Today it is talent that selects companies to align themselves with. Not the other way around.

People seek out employers of choice who actively demonstrate their DEI policies in real time. They select teams to work with, led by change makers with high EQ skills, where they know they will be valued and be able to grow in an environment that creates space to empower everyone.

The foundations of  DEI and SEI are intrinsically linked. Organisations with a vision for future-proofing their long-term goals and live these skills as a mantra. Enabling them to attract and retain the best talent in the world, setting them up to be in a class of their own.

The Casel Framework - casel.org

How EQ equips leaders for challenges

A toxic company culture, disconnected teams and disgruntled employees all have a direct impact on team productivity and ultimately company performance and profitability. 

Leaders who are equipped with EQ skills have the tools they need to navigate difficult situations while building strong and capable teams.

They use EQ skills as a compass, to build and lead cohesive teams that are set up and prepared for long-term future success even when navigating the roughest seas. 


And it all starts by making social-emotional skills development a core element of all teams and leadership capability training.


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Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.

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Emotional Intelligence Mary-Anne Murphy Emotional Intelligence Mary-Anne Murphy

How screen time is eroding your child's emotional intelligence

It’s become normal to be in a family restaurant and see the entire family - baby included - locked onto their screens. Very different to what it might have looked like a few years ago.

Recently, I sat in a restaurant and watched a family next to me not say a word to each other the entire time they were there. Each person locked in their own world through a screen. The parents were on their phones and the younger kids were on iPads. No one put their screens down, even after their meal arrived.

From my perspective, I found that sad, but the depth of that scene has deeper-reaching implications for everyone, particularly the children who are in their formative social-emotional years. 

Mary-Anne Murphy

It’s become normal to be in a family restaurant and see the entire family - baby included - locked onto their screens. Very different to what it might have looked like a few years ago.

Recently, I sat in a restaurant and watched a family next to me not say a word to each other the entire time they were there. Each person locked in their own world through a screen. The parents were on their phones and the younger kids were on iPads. No one put their screens down, even after their meal arrived.

From my perspective, I found that sad, but the depth of that scene has deeper-reaching implications for everyone, particularly the children who are in their formative social-emotional years. 

Because you can be almost guaranteed, that if that is what it looks like when the family is out together, that is most likely what it is like at home.

Children are in a critical foundational phase of their lives. 

This is when they learn all kinds of things like how to read and respond to social cues, and how to start a conversation and keep it going - basic social skills they will need their whole lives.



The Impact Of Screen Time On Empathy

The rate at which children with significant impulse control and behavioural issues are increasing is mind-blowing. 

Screen time inhibits the natural development of impulse control, social skills and social-emotional skills such as empathy. As well as things like how to read social cues from facial expressions.

Focus, empathy and impulse control are core elements of social-emotional intelligence that actively contribute to positive relationship-building and mental well-being. 

Early childhood is the time that children learn to interact with the world they live in. They need off-screen experience to develop critical cognitive and SEI skills otherwise they grow up not knowing how to manage the world around them. 

Screen time is setting kids up to struggle. So what can we do about it?

The World Health Organization screen time guidelines recommend no screen time for children for the first 2 years and less than 1 hour a day for children aged 2-4 years.

Here are three things a caregiver can do to help a child develop their social-emotional skills with boundaries and limits on screen time.

1 Create a healthy routine

Bored kids will seek out tech to pass the time or to escape things like chores, homework or uncomfortable social situations. 

Creating a healthy routine with firm boundaries and limits that won’t fall by the wayside when life gets busy is key. 

Kids learn from examples, so if they see their parents scrolling through social media for hours, they will want to do the same. Get them into the fresh air every day, encourage them to play and read, and make sure they have access to puzzles, books and creative expression. 

2. Share hobbies and interests

Get excited about what your children are interested in. Ask them about what they are reading, what music they like to listen to, and what sport they would like to play. 

Cheer them on, and encourage them to explore and try new things together. Hobbies build confidence and and help you bond with your child, to build a strong relationship that will stand you in good stead when they are in their teens.

3. Create Tech-Free Zones

Limiting devices at certain times of the day such as meal times or in certain rooms, like bedrooms will have a hugely positive impact on your child's development and overall mental wellbeing. 

Devices are being used more in schools and after school, but it is coming at a huge social-emotional cost.

How Screens Reduce Empathy

“Until babies develop language, all communication is non-verbal, so they depend heavily on looking at a face and deriving meaning from that face. Is this person happy with me, or are they upset with me? That two-way interaction between children and adult caregivers is critically important for brain development.” Charles Nelson, Harvard neuroscientist 

Empathy is a critical social-emotional competency skill that underpins core interpersonal skills.

Excessive screentime is like feeding a child junk food all the time, it makes them cranky and doesn’t provide all the good vitamins and minerals that a child needs to grow. But more than that, it is like placing a mute button on your child’s capacity for empathy, which has far-reaching effects into adulthood. 

Want to know more about how to help your child with developing their essential social-emotional learning skills?  Momentum Learning has a wide range of learning options for youth, educators and parents.  Get in touch with us. We would love to hear from you.


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Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.

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The link between mental health and social-emotional intelligence

The link between social-emotional intelligence and mental health is significant. Our mental well-being is heavily influenced by our ability to navigate our social-emotional world. How we regulate our emotions, the people we choose as friends, and how we manage stress, solve problems and interact with others underpins the quality of our lives. 

Mary-Anne Murphy

The link between social-emotional intelligence and mental health is significant. Our mental well-being is heavily influenced by our ability to navigate our social-emotional world. How we regulate our emotions, the people we choose as friends, and how we manage stress, solve problems and interact with others underpins the quality of our lives. 

"Perhaps the problem isn’t that we have too much anxiety or depression, but that we’ve been taught to ignore the things that truly matter." Johann Hari, Lost Connections


EI for a better life

Think of mental health as the foundation of a building. A strong and secure base of safety and security from where every other aspect of life grows. A safe and dependable place that we lean into for extra support.

Now think of the structure of the building that is on top of the foundation. A well-designed structure and purpose-built building is strong, resilient and efficient. This is your social-emotional intelligence. 

Good mental health gives people a strong and stable foundation for everything else. Our quality of life is entirely underpinned by the quality of our mental health. You can have the best structure on top, but if the foundation is lacking, then everything else will fall over. 

A purpose-built social-emotional structure determines how we interact with others, and the relationships we build and nurture - it shapes the lens through which we interact with the world around us. 

Even if our foundation is a bit wobbly or our structure has a few missing pieces, just like buildings can be renovated, people also have ways to repair, strengthen and enhance our lives. EI offers limitless possibilities for an improved quality of life, but it needs a strong foundation to lean on. 

The first step in this life-long journey is self-awareness. Really looking at all of the cracks in the foundation and acknowledging that there are parts of our structure that need work, is a pivotal step in the right direction. And it is often the hardest of them all. 


Community connection for anxiety and depression

“Loneliness isn’t the physical absence of other people, he said—it’s the sense that you’re not sharing anything that matters with anyone else.”  ― Johann Hari, Lost Connections

So what use is a great building on a strong foundation if it is empty? It needs people who want to come and live, work and hang out in the building. Being connected to a community is one of the vital elements of mental wellbeing. 

The first stage of the Four Stages of Psychological Safety (Timothy Clark)  is inclusion. It is a fundamental human need to belong and to connect with others. When people feel included, they feel safe to share, learn and challenge the status quo. Community connection is directly linked to how people's mental health is supported.


Te whare tapa whā - five ways to well-being

Te whare tapa whā, developed by Sir Mason Durie in 1984,  describes mental health and well-being as a wharenui (meeting house) that has four walls and a foundation.

The four walls represent pillars of what makes up our mental health and wellbeing and the foundation represents our community, our family, our roots. 

The idea is that when all of these elements are in balance, our well-being thrives. When they are disconnected and out of balance, then we become disconnected and out of balance too.

Taha wairua

spiritual wellbeing

Taha hinengaro

mental and emotional wellbeing

Taha tinana

physical wellbeing

Taha whānau

family and social wellbeing

Whenua

land

"The endpoint is to have someone who is well in every sense of the word." Sir Mason Durie, creator of Te whare tapa whā

The relationship between EQ and mental health

The correlation between high levels of emotional intelligence and good mental health has a significant impact, that much is clear. So how do we get this, who teaches this to adults and where do people even start?

Because emotional-social learning is a model, a capability concept and a tool kit, all of the skills can be learned, developed and finessed. Anybody can be taught and learn these skills at any stage of their life. 

Working with the expert facilitation of the skilled team at Momentum Learning can help individuals and teams develop and culturally locate these cross-cultural skills.

If you are interested in knowing more about EQ training for yourself, your team or your organisation, we would love to hear from you. Contact us today.


Work with Us

Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.

Let’s work together.


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