How social-emotional intelligence can help your career success
Emotionally intelligent people are by nature flexible, adaptable and resilient. They are inspiring as leaders with a high level of self-awareness. Their emotional intelligence (EI) skills help them to effectively balance compassion and empathy, with the ability to assertively set and communicate healthy boundaries.
EI is now not only considered a critical leadership skill set, but it is also a highly sought-after one. No matter what your career goals are, investing and developing a social-emotional intelligence toolkit have become imperative for every level of career success.
Mary-Anne Murphy
Emotionally intelligent people are by nature flexible, adaptable and resilient. They are inspiring as leaders with a high level of self-awareness. Their emotional intelligence (EI) skills help them to effectively balance compassion and empathy, with the ability to assertively set and communicate healthy boundaries.
EI is now not only considered a critical leadership skill set, but it is also a highly sought-after one. No matter what your career goals are, investing and developing a social-emotional intelligence toolkit have become imperative for every level of career success.
“It all starts with self-awareness. It’s not all about you, but it all begins with you. As a leader, if you’re not in a good place, not stable and not clear about what’s unique about you, then nothing’s going to flow from that.” Jeremy Darroch, Group CEO Sky.
Emotional Capital
Emotional intelligence is not a personality trait, but rather a set of emotional competencies that are developed to enhance leadership, nurture relationships and confident social skills.
Every personal interaction you have, and every decision you and your business make, is likely to be built on emotion. RocheMartin, Inspired Emotional Intelligence
Think of emotional capital as a type of skills bank. By developing these skills, you are investing in your own emotional capital bank. When you need to access these skills you can use them to transact with. Whether you are leading your team to success, getting buy-in from stakeholders or nurturing loyal relationships.
So if emotional capital was currency, have you thought about how you are spending it?
Optimism as a Strategy
People with high emotional intelligence skills are inherently optimists.
Optimists frame issues differently, they see opportunities and can adapt quickly to changing circumstances and environments. They strategically access their emotional capital, drawing on strong relationships with teams they’ve built and nurtured.
A great example of how optimists leverage their framework was during the global pandemic. They were the ones who identified silver linings and mobilised a response that would not only see their organisation survive but outperform their competitors in the end.
Empathy vs Sympathy
One of the biggest attributes of EI is empathy. Empathy requires a very deep understanding of what the other person is going through on an emotional level. While sympathy is relatable more on an intellectual level. While we can sympathise with another person's lived experience, sympathy gives us no real emotional understanding of it.
Empathy requires us to put ourselves in another person's shoes and dig deep into the emotional experience they are having.
This is done through things like being an active open-minded listener who can respond without bias in a validating and deeply genuine way.
EI competency can be learned, developed nurtured and used to improve your relationships with others, strengthen networks, broaden perspectives and ultimately clear the pathway to career success.
Do you want to know more about how to access the EI toolkit for yourself or your team? Get in touch with us, we would love to hear from you.
Work with Us
Momentum Learning has supported Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about accessing this essential curriculum methodology, through Regionally Allocated PLD and other funding pathways.
Let’s work together.
Is your child struggling to make friends? How SEI skills can help.
Making friends is not something that comes naturally to all children.
It’s hard to see your child being left out and not included, but it doesn’t mean your child isn’t likeable, has anything wrong with them or doesn’t get invited to events because of their personality.
It just means that they need some help building social skills. Social-emotional intelligence (SEI) is a toolkit that can help.
Mary-Anne Murphy
Making friends is not something that comes naturally to all children.
It’s hard to see your child being left out and not included, but it doesn’t mean your child isn’t likeable, has anything wrong with them or doesn’t get invited to events because of their personality.
It just means that they need some help building social skills. Social-emotional intelligence (SEI) is a toolkit that can help.
Skills kids need to make friends
Making and keeping friends is a skill. Even kids who are shy or who are struggling with impulse behavioural issues and things like delayed speech or ADHD can make friends. SEI provides children with a tangible framework they can use in everyday situations to help them make friends.
Such as:
How to pick up on and respond to social cues
How to listen attentively to others so they can understand what is being said
How to share and take turns
How to start a conversation
How to disagree appropriately
How to label their emotions to effectively communicate their feelings.
With a bit of encouragement and validation, every child can find the confidence to use their new tools and start practising their friendship skills.
Why do some kids struggle to make friends?
Sometimes children struggle to make friends simply because they haven’t met another child they feel that they can connect with.
It could also be that a child has had a negative experience or two and now feels too anxious or nervous to be the first one to reach out. Some children get as far as starting a conversation but might not know how to keep one going. They sometimes personalise responses from other kids that might not be familiar to them.
For example, if they say hello to a child but the other child doesn’t say anything back. They might feel as if they have done something wrong, not knowing that the other child might have a hearing disability and simply didn’t hear them.
Basic communication and language skills become a bigger barrier if kids don’t know how to navigate through them.
This is something that SEI is perfect for, it helps kids be more confident with their friendship-making skills and gives them tools to explore different dynamics and be brave in new situations.
"A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees." Amelia Earhart
Is it normal for my child to not have friends?
Every parent wishes for their child to be socially adept, happy and curious, open to finding a commonality with anyone.
But in real life, kids can be shy and nervous, feel overwhelmed and overstimulated and become reluctant to work their way through their hesitations. If they haven’t had much experience socially, they might not have a reference to draw from.
This is why developing good SEI skills can have a hugely positive impact on your child's overall social well-being and happiness.
SEI skills that can help your child make friends
These are just some of the social-emotional skills that can help your child make and keep friends.
Empathy
Helps kids connect emotionally
Interpersonal skills
Helps kids to establish social awareness
Assertiveness
Helps kids to communicate feelings and set boundaries
Conflict resolution
Helps kids to develop confident problem-solving solutions
It will help them to:
Better understand themselves and others
Have the courage to persevere even if it doesn’t go right the first time
Learn how to invite other children to join them
Have the confidence to accept an invitation from others.
Friendships need a good level of social and emotional competence to thrive and social-emotional learning skills can help children to develop these concepts in their younger years, setting them up to be well-rounded, happy adults.
As caregivers, we can answer the call for compassion. For us to bring the heart back into our humanity. It starts with us, and our children will lead the way.
If you would like to know more about how to support your child or students access these skills, get in touch with us, we would love to hear from you.
Work with Us
Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.
Let’s work together.
The Impact of Social-Emotional Intelligence on Adult Relationships
Relationships are not easy. As people, we learn how to navigate relationships using skills we gathered from our own lived experiences and childhood examples. Which can be part of the problem.
Making and keeping friends, being in healthy romantic relationships and being able to work well with a wide range of people are all skills that we need in adulthood. However many adults have never been actively taught any of these skills.
Luckily there are options for helping adults improve the quality of their interpersonal skills. This is where social-emotional learning (SEL) comes in.
Mary-Anne Murphy
Relationships are not easy. As people, we learn how to navigate relationships using skills we gathered from our own lived experiences and childhood examples. Which can be part of the problem.
Making and keeping friends, being in healthy romantic relationships and being able to work well with a wide range of people are all skills that we need in adulthood. However many adults have never been actively taught any of these skills.
Luckily there are options for helping adults improve the quality of their interpersonal skills. This is where social-emotional learning (SEL) comes in.
SEL is a powerful skill set that can help us be more confident and competent in relationships with others and can be developed at any stage of life.
They are the tools that can help people with things like having difficult conversations, showing empathy while maintaining boundaries and building meaningful connections.
Social and Relationship Skills
People in many ways are just like plants. And relationships are like gardens. Both flourish when they are nurtured, cared for and maintained.
Plants not only need sunshine, water and soil packed with nutrients to thrive, but they also need expertly skilled gardeners. To use their skills and knowledge to keep pests and diseases away, checking in regularly, removing weeds, cutting back branches to let the light in and knowing which beneficial plants will bring the pollinators in.
Good relationships with others are built in similar ways but in the form of skilled communication, reflective listening, conflict resolution and empathy. All of which are elements of a social-emotional learning toolkit.
Emotional intelligence in adulthood
The ability to recognise, regulate and manage our own emotions, as well as the emotions of others is a critical element of every relationship - personal or professional.
Whether you are trying to get buy-in from a stakeholder, sell a retail product, get the boss to sign off on a project, support your partner in leaving a toxic job or just get your teenager to unpack the dishwasher, developing a strong set of relationship skills will help you understand what others are going through, while driving a win-win outcome for everyone involved.
At the heart of it all, in every relationship, people just want to be seen, acknowledged and understood.
Characteristics of Emotionally Intelligent People
So what characteristics make someone emotionally intelligent?
In a nutshell, they are good communicators and excellent listeners with a strong sense of self-awareness who are good at motivating themselves to set and achieve goals.
They effectively self-regulate their emotions with the ability to set and assertively apply boundaries while showing empathy. They embrace change, are curious about life, learning and people and are open to receiving feedback.
Social-emotional intelligence empowers people to build, nurture and maintain strong, positive relationships in all aspects of their lives - at work, in friendships, with family and in romantic relationships.
Embracing Social-Emotional Learning
Nobody is born knowing how to confidently have and navigate the complexities of relationships. It is a long-term learning journey that we develop along the way.
Here is how applying social-emotional learning (SEL) skills can help in real-life relationship scenarios.
Setting a boundary with a team member who always submits work late and incomplete, putting the rest of the team under pressure
Communicating your feelings to a defensive friend who repeatedly takes advantage of your kindness
Showing kindness and empathy without letting others walk all over you
Responding to an action or event without personalising someone else's behaviour
Creating a space where you welcome your team to challenge you and share their ideas.
The relationships we are part of and the quality of them underpin the quality of our lives. Understanding how to use social intelligence to improve relationships is a set of skills that can be learned by anyone.
Want to know more about accessing this toolkit for yourself or someone else? Get in touch with us. We would love to hear from you.
"No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship." James Comer
Work with Us
Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.
Let’s work together.
Why Social-emotional learning should be at the Heart of Your School Curriculum
School classrooms have become very complex environments. And that’s without referring to challenges like funding, curriculum changes and managing different learning styles.
Screen time, social media, and long hours of gaming are eroding things like basic social skills, the ability to make eye contact and build and maintain friendships. Anxiety levels are high, self-esteem levels are low and those are just the ones that make it to class.
Leaving educators trying to balance many complicated levels of sensitive and diverse needs.
The bottom line is, that in terms of essential social intelligence skills, students just don’t have what they need.
So how can we help them?
Mary-Anne Murphy
While every child has the capacity for resilience and coping with the challenges of life later on, wouldn’t it be better if we planted and nurtured an oak tree - stable, strong and self-reliant, rather than raising a phoenix who was forced to rise out of the ashes on their own?
School classrooms have become very complex environments. And that’s without referring to challenges like funding, curriculum changes and managing different learning styles.
Screen time, social media, and long hours of gaming are eroding things like basic social skills, the ability to make eye contact and build and maintain friendships. Anxiety levels are high, self-esteem levels are low and those are just the ones that make it to class.
Leaving educators trying to balance many complicated levels of sensitive and diverse needs.
The bottom line is, that in terms of essential social intelligence skills, students just don’t have what they need.
So how can we help them?
By incorporating social-emotional learning skills into the classroom and providing them with opportunities to practice using the toolkits they have been given.
What is Social-emotional Learning?
Social-emotional learning or SEL, is an increasingly essential skills development concept, that helps school children to become well-rounded human beings.
It’s the framework through which students can develop the critical life skills they need so that they can exit school with an academic education and the confidence to navigate life beyond the classroom.
Truancy, poor grades, class disruptions and emotional outbursts are just some of the issues that students who lack these skills have now. When they leave school, they won’t be set up for life, they will be set up to struggle.
Social-emotional skills
What do students really need in life beyond an education? Among other things, they need to know how to advocate for themselves, set boundaries and have the confidence to engage with a wide range of people.
Otherwise, you end up with an adult who is too scared, shy or overwhelmed to handle basic life admin things like returning a faulty product to a store or dealing with service providers.
This makes things like asking for a raise, negotiating a contract or resolving a conflict at work borderline impossible.
But what if kids could leave school with the foundations of these skills plus the confidence to use them?
It would be a game changer, that could recalibrate the course of their entire adult lives.
Why SEL Matters
Anxious kids who lack confidence and struggle to communicate their needs could have high stress levels and not be doing well academically.
SEL equips students to have a better understanding of their emotions and well-being and provides them with tools and skill sets to help them develop strong social awareness and communication skills.
Classrooms that incorporate SEL learning create vibrant, safe, inclusive places where being different is not only respected and celebrated, it is cherished.
It has the potential to transform learning experiences and empower students to realise their highest potential.
Imagine a way we could help our kids make good decisions, thrive in good friendships and have the courage to try new things.
Bringing SEL into the classroom makes all of these things possible.
Dr Martyn Newman’s ten identified competencies for emotional intelligence. RocheMartin.
“The research is clear: emotions determine whether academic content will be processed deeply and remembered. Linking emotion to learning ensures that students find classroom instruction relevant.” Marc Brackett, Permission to Feel
Work with Us
Momentum Learning has been supporting Leaders, Teams, Teachers, Rangatahi and their Whānau to develop their social and emotional intelligence since 2020. Talk to us about exploring this for your organisation.
Let’s work together.
Do women inherently possess higher emotional intelligence than men?
I spend a lot of time around people, whether it’s on a plane, in a cafe, in a staffroom, or just general life admin. Sometimes, I can’t help overhearing pieces of conversations (honestly I’m not eavesdropping!). Some of the conversations centre around discussing partners or workmates. Often, these conversations include references to either a lack of or over-inflated emotional intelligence competencies.
Mary-Anne Murphy
I spend a lot of time around people, whether it’s on a plane, in a cafe, in a staffroom, or just general life admin. Sometimes, I can’t help overhearing pieces of conversations (honestly I’m not eavesdropping!). Some of the conversations centre around discussing partners or workmates. Often, these conversations include references to either a lack of or over-inflated emotional intelligence competencies.
You know the type of conversations… “They are just so arrogant, they don’t think they can do anything wrong”, or “I wish they wouldn’t be so kind, people are walking all over them”. And often, through my over-hearing ‘research’, these qualities are often attributed to a particular gender derivation.
So, is there a difference between men's and women’s emotional intelligence? Is this a ‘thing’?
In a study by Bar-On (1997), it was found that women scored marginally higher in interpersonal relationships, social responsibility and empathy.
However, men scored slightly higher than females in stress tolerance and self-regard.
I know you will be chuckling to yourself as you read this research, thinking about that certain someone… But, I would like to point out the words marginally and slightly… there was not a great deal of difference between the two.
But wait, there’s more to this story…
In a further 2018 study by the University of Cambridge, they found that women showed more empathy than men. However, this difference was not due to their DNA as the study found there were only 10% differences in the genes that contribute to empathy in men and women.
This implies that the gender difference in empathy is the result of other non-genetic biological factors, such as prenatal hormone influences, or non-biological factors such as socialisation, both of which also differ between the sexes.
And, to add to this through my own 2019 research where we ran Emotional Intelligence assessments past 50 primary-aged students between the age of 7-11 years, we also found these trends were apparent.
So, despite the fact that genetically there is a minor difference, how we are brought up, who we are influenced by, and our socialisation plays a large part in either widening or closing this emotional intelligence competency gap.
So what might this mean for your family or workplace? How might you be unconsciously amplifying or dulling emotional intelligence competencies? And, is this helpful or not?
It’s a juicy topic, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.